How to be miserable, stay grumpy, and suffer more.

OK have I got your attention? Sometimes we need to look at a problem from a completely new look. The title is a bit tongue-in-cheek, but what IF we were to explore a course that taught us how to suffer more and be grumpy. What would that look like?

Amendment: So I’ve had some really positive comments on this article in another forum. But I also had a really important constructive criticism so I'm adding 3 key points to remember as you read it. 
1. This article is intended for the reader themself, not to be used as a tool to criticize other people for being critical. 
2. There’s something called logic fallacies. One of those is when the opposite of a fact is also a fact. This is often not the case in reality. Example; Fact: carnivores have canine teeth. But the reverse is not true. Thus having canine teeth does not make something a carnivore. For example gorillas and camels among others, have canines and they are herbivores.

3, Just because something is a risk factor does NOT make it a cause. Example: "Moderate alcohol consumption has been linked to an approximate 30-50% increased risk in breast cancer."* But the alcohol does not cause breast cancer. Nor is it valid or helpful to blame women with breast cancer for drinking a glass of wine at their meal.

4. Poor health and disruption in happiness is not our fault because we are not "positive" enough.  There is an unfair system (sin) at place in our world, where often the person who is hurting has to do work to alleviate their own suffering even though it may not be their fault they are hurting in the first place.  Life can suck, but it doesn't have to stay that way.

5. My humorous look, intentionally overgeneralized, at some tools for cognitive behaviour therapy are not to be taken as rooted in some kind of all or nothing factual science. In fact doing so is a distortion in and of itself. My intention in this article is to look at oneself from a different perspective using humour, because humour can often be quite therapeutic when doing self reflection. We can be pretty hard on ourselves and I was hoping to alleviate some of that pressure by getting you to laugh at some of the mistakes that you might be making. But in no way would I want to shame anyone who is struggling with a critical attitude or denial or any of those things, in fact others may think you are being critical when you are just being honest.  That is there misunderstanding not a reflection on your character. I myself have struggled with many of the items in the follow list. I think that’s why I found it so relevant to me personally and why found so much humour in it.

  

The first step in being miserable would be to be, stay in denial. Why? Well, if you’re denying it you don’t have to deal with it. Denial a way of enabling you to continue to feel miserable when the event is already passed. You can deny that it’s over and relish in your depressed, angry, frustrated state. Next step, hold it all in. Certainly don’t share what you’re thinking and feeling with anyone else. After all they can’t help you. They’ll probably just say what you’re going through isn’t even relevant. At the very least, they’re going to minimize it and try, or worse yet try to fix it for you.

If you can’t hold it in, then complain. Complaining is a great way to stay grumpy. After all you’re just telling people the truth. I mean isn’t honesty the best policy? In fact, I highly recommend journaling. List all the problems you’re having and how miserable each one makes you feel. That way whenever you get a little too positive or happy, you can go back and rehash old grudges.

Mope. Moping lets the body know the correct position to be in when you’re feeling terrible. There’s nothing worse than a hypocrite, like someone smiling when they’re miserable inside. So it’s much better to mope because you’re being honest with the world around you.

Notice honesty has come up a few times. Being right is the best way to keep your relationships on the rocks and protect you from being vulnerable. After all when your always right it’s really hard for other people to live up to your expectations and that can increase your suffering tremendously.

Blame yourself and others. A good place to start is blaming others, that’s usually easier than blaming yourself. Well it does depend on your personality, and either one works pretty good. Blaming others takes all the responsibility off your shoulders, and since you’re not responsible you can’t fix it. Blaming others takes the pressure off you from having to make yourself miserable because people often hurt us and do us wrong.  Remember since you are right, they must be wrong. That’s just logical.

Of course if you have a hard time blaming others, then you can always turn to blaming yourself. This is also quite effective because it acknowledges the fact that you’re an idiot, a failure, and since you are those things there’s no point in trying to fix anything.  It’s just who you are and this will just continue to go on forever.

Minimize the positive. Those happy thoughts thinkers with all their foo foo fluff just don’t know reality. If you minimize positive things that you or others do, it helps put everything more in context of reality. It certainly won’t last. Nothing good lasts forever.

Accentuate the negative. You could even exaggerate a little bit.  I mean come on, realistically who doesn’t get that when you’re feeling miserable and grumpy, exaggeration is probably more truthful than saying it exactly the way it is. Here’s and example, I’ve got such a headache feel like my heads going to explode. I mean it’s not really going to explode, but you’ve got articulate it well so people get how you’re feeling.

Trust your emotions. Oh this is a good one. Your emotions are really going to tell you how you should be feeling and thinking. Just go with your gut, go with your heart, that’ll really stop all your positive thinking. I mean if you feel miserable you must be miserable. If you’re feeling lonely you must be alone.  You can’t trust that someone sitting beside you is really going to be there for you. I mean obviously they’re not doing enough to make you feel part of the group. Oh I guess I’m combining blame here. Well that’s great to show you can combine several of these to make them far more effective in staying miserable.

Remember, if it’s ever happened once, somewhere, to someone, it can happen to you. That’s right if it’s possible it’s probable. There’s at least one person out there who got run over by a truck while sitting in their living room. You should worry about that every time you sit down to enjoy watching some TV. I mean sure, they’d have to drive on the sidewalk, across the lawn, and through the house wall, but it’s possible right? And I mean if we’re going to be positive, we need to be positive that the possible can happen. That leads me to the next one.

If it’s happened before it’s going to happen again. If you found a hair in your food three times in a row, then you can certainly conclude every time you eat out there will be a hair in it. This is a good one to combine with our last one “if it’s possible it’s probable”. After all if bacteria can be on hair, and you found hair in your food three times, you better watch out for flesh eating bacteria in your burger. This tip can add much anxiety to your miserable grumpiness which is a bonus.

Label everything. Now I don’t mean with stickers. Of course you could do that which would take up time and anything that waste your time helps to make you miserable because you’ve wasted time. But what I’m talking here is labelling people or yourself. You see when you label something it really encapsulates what it is at its core. I mean someone didn’t just spilled the milk they are a slob. You didn’t just fail the one test, you are an absolute failure. See how much worse that sounds, there’s great material here for feeling miserable.

I think those tips should really help you to suffer and stay miserable. But if this course really wasn’t right for you then might I suggest the reverse of these? I also recommend reading Dr. David Burn’s best selling book, “Feeling Good” or listen to his podcasts. But I warn you that won’t do much to help you feel grumpy.

OR Get our NEW e-book "The Truth Shall Set You Free" - click here!

https://angelapoch.com/

* McDonald, Jasmine A, et al. “Alcohol Intake and Breast Cancer Risk: Weighing the Overall Evidence.” Current Breast Cancer Reports, U.S. National Library of Medicine, Sept. 2013, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3832299/.

Desiring to change & choosing to change!

A couple weeks ago we talked about desire doesn't equal change in the article "Empathy is Not Responsibility". I thought I’d talk more about that this week. Wanting to change and changing obviously are not the same thing, because when you actually change there is some kind of difference that happens. Now, sometimes we say, “I’m trying to ...” like "I’m trying to lose weight," but really what we’re saying is we would like to lose weight. We say "I’m trying" because maybe you’ve attempted a few efforts in that direction but the actual change has not happened yet. The problem is, every time we say something out loud, or even in our heads, we believe it and that can set ourselves up for failure. We start to think we've put in so much effort to this change and we’ve tried for so long to do this thing, that we feel like it’s never going to happen. 

It’s just too hard. I've tried and tried. I often hear this from people who are struggling to break free from a bad habit or an addiction or those who desire to start a new healthy life choice. Eating better, eating less, exercising, getting more sleep, quit smoking, the list goes on. Some of these issues are quite comprehensive and they can look insurmountable as goals, we really don’t know where to start when we just look at the big picture and think I would like this. But if we were to break them down to smaller goals, that were simple and pretty easy to attain, it would be easier to make the change. Maybe we’ll talk more about goals next week, but for now will continue on this theme of desire and trying.

One of the keys to going from desire to change, is figuring out where you’re at right now. What is it about the state you’re in that makes you want to stay there? What are some positive aspects about your situation right now that you wouldn’t want to change? Let’s take my example of trying to lose weight. Well, first of all, it requires me to set aside more time for exercising and creating healthier meals. Time is a pretty precious commodity and I’d have to give up something else I’m doing, like cleaning my house, sorting through books, organizing photos on my computer, and so on.  Note, these are all important things and they mean a lot to me. Some of them are I would even say are necessary. 

What do those things say about me?  I like to be organized, is that a good thing?  I need to keep stress down for my health and these things help me do that,  Isn't that good? I could make a really long list here.  Do you have any suggestions? I'd love to here them in the comments section.  The more you participate the more relevant and helpful you'll find this. 

Now, let's also look at what does it say about me that losing weight is really not that important to me (since I haven't done it yet, it must not be THAT important)?  I’m not as worried about self image as I am keep my life organized. That’s a pretty good character trait to have. Again, I wonder if you could come up with some ideas of your own (put them in the comments)? 

What is it that you would like to change and why would making a change be a problem for you? What positive thing does it say about you? These idea were inspired by Dr. David Burns concept of paradoxical agenda setting. That we really have to find the positive things about ourselves even for the negative things that we have decided we’d like to change.

Let’s do one more example. Let’s say you don’t get enough sleep because you don't get to bed on time.  A VERY common problem for many of my clients. Notice I just made something general, not getting enough sleep, to something specific, not getting to bed on time. Being specific makes it easier to break down so we will get even more specific. Why aren’t you getting to bed on time? Perhaps because you’re visiting with friends on social media or the phone, you are enjoying a movie, you’re finishing chores it didn’t get done, maybe that’s when a particular family member calls you. Each of these I’ll say something positive about you. For example visiting with friends isn’t a bad thing. We all need social interaction and it shows you care about others. Isn’t it good to care about others? Of course. Enjoying a movie, well this is you know how to take a break and it shows you’re not afraid to relax. Isn’t that a good thing? I’ll leave the others for you to ponder. And this will work much better if you can list your own.

Once you see the benefits of not changing AND the positive things this says about you, it actually helps you to see it from a new perspective. That you are not a BAD person for not changing...yet, LOL. It even helps you see ways you can change and still keep all the benefits you currently have. 

The reason we don’t change is ultimately because there’s something positive holding us back from making the choice. Discovering what that is will be far more effective than forcing or punishing yourself. The effort is not correctly directed. A wise writer once said we need to understand the right use of the will (Steps to Christ by Ellen White). In other words we don’t need more willpower, instead we need to make the right choice, and the only way to know what that choice is, is to fully investigate in our own minds with a neutral, non-judgemental attitude, and discover where we are at right now and how is that benefiting our lives.

Acceptance and Loving Oneself!

The other morning I was listening to one of Dr. David Burns Podcasts, number 88 to be exact. (Just a little plug there for him on feared fantasy expanded.)  Anyway, as I was listening to this amazing woman fight her fears of social anxiety, and as Dr. Burns talked about humour and laughter as a form of acceptance, I had a moment of clarity.  Acceptance is one of the ways to fight or negative thoughts about ourselves.

Before I share what that was, just a little background.  I’m part of a Christian group of therapists, and some who aren't that have Christian clients, that practice team CBT and we been collecting Bible verses and go along with what we are learning and what we’re practicing. So, that's been on my mind and when Dr. Burns started talking about acceptance it made be wonder how does that fit the Christian model since we are to grow in grace, do good works, be perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect, etc. We will talk about that later, as the Bible harmonizes with itself. 

An epiphany just washed over me as I thought about the Bible verse, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18. KJV.  I can't fear (be anxious) when I accept myself and the circumstances life throughs at me. And accepting myself, or loving oneself, is a Biblical truth, "And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31. NLT.  

Then came to mind, 1 Corinthians 13, as it struck me as how to define love in the first place. "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. NLT. What does the Bible say is love? Well it’s a lot of things but a big part of love is it keeps no wrong, is not irritable, it is patient, and kind. These are things we should be for ourselves.  Keeps no wrong - accept it and move on, not irritable - accept it and move on, patient - don't be so hard on oneself, kind - don't be so hard on oneself.  When you combine all three of these Bible verses we see this high-level solution to fighting negative thoughts which is acceptance using humour piece and disarming to squash thoughts of anxiety and fear about ourselves. When we have this kind of love it casts out fear.

I’ve never been a fan of the terms self love. One Christian author puts it this way, "Those who are filled with self-esteem and self-love do not feel the need of a living, personal union with Christ. The heart that has not fallen on the Rock is proud of its wholeness. Men want a dignified religion. They desire to walk in a path wide enough to take in their own attributes." E.G. White, Christ's Object Lessons. Just accepting all your flaws and not worry about them is not only in conflict with the Christian experience of growth in moving forward, but also that selfishness or focusing on oneself too much takes our eyes off Christ.  That when we feel bad we see our need of Jesus.  Then, as I was reviewing all these principles, praying for harmony of the concepts, it occured to me, definitions and context. 

It seems rather than argue or try to twist and idea, often we have to go back to how we define something.  Not just from the dictionary, but all the weigh, emotion, and other thoughts we have about a word or concept. For example, self-esteem can mean holding oneself as important, even putting one's needs above others or it can mean, a confidence that allows that person to complete a task, or both.  This article isn't about self-esteem or self-worth or self-love, maybe I'll do one on that in the future, but obviously we need to see all the scriptures as a whole.  That we do have to love ourselves or we can't love others.  

Add to that the Bible is clear we do have worth and value, so I’ve always been OK with self-worth, in other words that all human are infinitely valuable because the God of the universe would have died for even just one of the 'least' of us. From that same author, "One soul is of infinite value; for Calvary speaks its worth." The Review and Herald, March 13, 1888. But when I was listening to that podcast on acceptance, I realized without loving ourselves as in the definition of 1 Corinthians 13, self-worth is an intellectual assent and we’re still fighting fears and anxiety about ourselves. The Bible verse and love others as yourself is a clue that God does expect us to love ourselves, not that we are placing more value on ourselves or ignoring what God as done for us, but in a way that we are not treating ourselves like garbage. Because we are to love others in an equal amount, neighbour as yourself, how can we express the beautiful love revealed in scripture to others, if we have no "love" for ourselves?

So how do we get this love, the love of ourselves that is within a Biblical model of selflessness and yet not unduly critical of ourselves? The same way we love others. Acknowledge while we all make mistakes and have things that really do need changing, we all still have infinite value because Jesus died for you, for me. If you’re not a Christian, you can take the view that every human being has value because they’re human. The second step would be forgiveness, "keeps no wrong" from 1 Cor 13. Pretty hard to love someone you’re angry with, or holding a grudge against, and that includes yourself. Of course, in context self loathing may have a place to give you motivation or self awareness of what you need to change, but you cannot stay in that moment. In fact, I would go so far as to say we can acknowledge our flaws without self loathing. Can you not see other people as imperfect, see their flaws, and yet not hate them or think they’re horrible, terrible, awful people? Of course, then you can do this for yourself as well.  

Remember there is an amazing paradox at work here, acceptance of our flaws can actually empower us to move forward in growth and even changing those flaws.  We are no longer fighting ourselves in an unwinnable battle, rather we see our need and are able to give that to God.

It is truly powerful when we put it all together, harmonizing all the principles we've talked about so far.  Our fear is the beginning of wisdom, it drives us to God, to self-reflection, then as we accept that we are flawed human beings, that we need God, we can embrace change and are empowered to move forward. 

PS: You are always welcome to chat with me. I offer a free 15 minute consultation. 

 

When You’re Angry At Someone Because You See It In Yourself

Monday morning I was eating some raspberry greek yoghurt and a thought cross my mind, I wonder how much lactose in it.  I am on a low FODMAP diet and lactose, a high FODMAP, is often a trigger for those with bowel issues. I find I can have quite a bit of lactose without having any symptoms but I was still curious since I LOVE facts and numbers. So, anyway, I Googled it, as I do when I’m researching, and as I was looking for a good source I came across a question, "If you are lactose intolerant can you still have a little cheese or yogurt?"

My immediate thought was why would you want to? I mean there’s so many other options out there that are far more healthy than dairy. Especially cheese, which is really hard to digest to begin with. Granted I am thinking this as I am eating yogurt, dairy, myself. It struck me, why did I have that thought?  I stopped to do a little self-reflection and I realized it was because I find myself eating foods that I would not normally choose to eat because I’m so limited. I found myself frustrated with those who choose to eat whatever they want because they enjoy it even if they could make better choices because I don’t have that luxury. 

There is a name for this in psychology, if you were in a therapy session would be called counter transference. I have to do a lot of self examination, counter transference work, in my assignments as a student, I thought it was kind of interesting.  I don't have counter transference with my role playing "clients" but I do have bias triggers, like this, people who make poor choices when they have better options available.  Which of course is a judgemental thought and not helpful.  I make poor choices when I have better options available too!!!  

Bias trigger is one of those things that we need to be self-aware of.  Others around us can trigger negative thoughts and feelings within us.  Add to that we can never be truly bias free. We’ll always have opinions and ideas, and those were shape and form or thoughts and feelings. We may even find hints of racist, sexist, or ageist thoughts and having to admit that may frighten us or make us feel guilty.  The challenge is not to make yourself the most politically correct person in the world, but rather to be aware the feelings and thoughts you have so that you can address those in your own mind. If we pretend they don’t exist we will never deal with them.  We have to admit our failings and faults, even embrace them and accept them.  The paradox, once we accept we are human and fail, we then can make real change.  

Sometimes just accepting it, changes it. For example: If I am deceiving myself or blind to a fault, and then I recognize and admit I am blind, just admitting it dissolves it and I see more clearly who I really am.  That doesn't work for all issues, but recognizing it then accepting it are the first two steps. Then you can work to adapt to it or crush it.  In my case, with the yoghurt and the forum participant who wanted to know if they could have a little dairy, I started to ask myself what is it like for this person?  They are a real human being with struggles, frustrations, cares, worries, and loss in their own life.  How is it that I assume they have it easier and they should just choose better.  Soon as I said "should" I remembered the 10 cognitive distortions (untruths we tell ourselves).  If you'd like to learn more about telling yourself the truth click here.  

PS: You are always welcome to chat with me. I offer a free 15 minute consultation. 

 

Angela Poch, certified life coach, certified level 1 TEAM* practitioner, and certified nutritional counsellor. 

www.bodymindhealthcoach.com 

*TEAM-CBT, developed by Dr David Burns, is an evidenced-based approach to psychotherapy with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) at its core, recognizing the connection between thoughts and emotions, and behaviour, but inclusive of various techniques across many approaches. TEAM is an acronym: Testing, Empathy, Acceptance (paradoxical Agenda setting) and Methods. 

The 3 Dangers of Healthy Diets

Let me say right now, a plant based diet is scientifically the most beneficial diet on the plant for your health and the environment and this article is not about changing your mind on eating right.  Last time I did a eye catchy tag line, I was roasted because people didn't even read the article. Read on please because we all know there are factors in all the choices we make that can lead in a wrong direction even when we are walking the right way.

The first danger in keeping any diet, even a healthy one, long term is getting into a rut.  Eating the same foods day after day with limited variety is usually not a safe bet for optimal nutrition.  When we first start a diet, we are excited about the positive change we are making.  We learn all kinds of new recipes, trading them with friends, and posting them on social media.  Then we start to get overwhelmed by all the options or we just get so busy we just recycle a few chosen favourites.  We can avoid this danger by refreshing our recipe box.  Another way to bring newest to life to a diet stuck in a rut is to share it with someone else.  When we share the benefits of a healthy diet, we become rejuvenated ourselves.

The second danger in keeping a diet is the guilt or emotional stress when you make a mistake or if you get bored or tempted to cheat.  One study revealed many vegans return to their old diets. It's not just because they become disenfranchised with it's benefits but rather they feel bad when they fail, they  and eventually just give up all together.  When we put undue restrictions on ourselves and others, we create a poor environment for change.  Some are even mean about those who fall of the diet wagon and criticize them.

That leads me to the third danger in keeping a diet, getting married to the idea of it.  When we make a diet part of who we are, we can becoming pretty critical of others who have a different view. We can find ourselves putting down other healthy diet options that may not be as good but are still better than most. There is NO ONE diet that meets everyone's needs.  When we make food a god, we are in real danger of hurting those we love and even ourselves.

The best way to deal with the last two dangers, is to keep the long term objective in focus. Why did you start the diet in the first place?  What benefits does it have? Are you eating it in the best way, i.e. with variety, proper calorie intake, etc.?

I fell into all three of these traps.  I am refocusing and recommitting myself to eating a plant based diet.  Many of my long term viewers know I've been a flexitarian for a couple years, but today I am renewing my resolve to finding more variety in my low FODMAP diet while keeping it plant based.

Cheers,
Angela Poch

5 Secrets of Self-Awareness and Why It's Important To Be Mindful

Of course I'm aware of myself.  Are you sure?  Often life gets so busy we run around making decisions, trying to get one last thing accomplished before the next thing on the agenda, that we really don't realize what is going on inside.  We go and go until all of a sudden we notice we are anxious, worried, stressed, hurt, frustrated, upset, or even angry, Then we either blame the last thing that happen or the last person who was in our path.  We wrongly assume it's our bad day and all the things that went wrong that are making our lives miserable.

A better way is to recognized what is going on before our minds retaliate from the pressure with an emotional outburst. There are 5 secrets to self-awareness, each with a particular purpose to guide you to be intune with your own thoughts and what is going on around you to affect how you feel. They are:

1. Learn your symptoms.
2. Know your triggers.
3. Be conscious of your physical health.
4. Pause for cause or mindfulness. 
5. Analyze your thoughts.

Learn your symptoms when you are feeling overwhelmed or not coping well with what life is throwing at you.  What are the warning signs you notice? We each have different ones, but some of the common ones friends have shared with me are: 

• feeling rushed or actually rushing around.
• self-talk such as "I can't take one more thing", "How many things will go wrong today", "I can't believe this keeps happening to me", "It's so unfair", or other messages you tell yourself.
• pre-emotions or the start of negative emotions slowly creeping in.

Know your triggers. What tends to get your goat? What makes you less likely to cope? What sets you off? Again, these will vary from person to person.  For me, it's little things that I do wrong or forget to do.  As a recovering perfectionist, I am very hard on myself and when the cake is not as fluffy as I like, then the vegan butter is gone and I only have regular so I have to invite a substitute, then the dog tracks mud onto the floor I just washed and I don't have time to fix it, then... you get the idea. For others it's when a certain person repeatedly does or says a particular thing, or when the boss asks for a particular task to be done.  Think about what are your triggers? 

Be conscious of your physical health.  Are you hungry, tired, or hurting?  Adding a negative physical symptom can push us over the edge sooner than at times where we are feeling on top of the world.  Sometimes physical symptoms warn us we are doing too much or we are not coping well with life events. Do you get headaches, stomach aches, muscle pain?  Are you tired today, or more tired than usual?  Have you skipped a meal?  Being aware of your physical body helps to be aware of what is going on in your mind.

You may have heard the term 'mindfulness' around these days.  This is a state of being mindful or aware of what is going on right now.  When you notice you are not coping well, or you see a trigger coming, pause to see how it's affecting you. You can even pause for cause.  Just take a time out once in awhile through the day to check in with yourself. Is anything causing you to be thinking negatively, do you have any physical symptoms, are you starting to feel one of your symptoms.  Taking 30 seconds will not affect your schedule.  Well, actually maybe it will. Maybe if you take that 30 seconds now you'll prevent an emotional system crash that will ruin an hour or two, or even the rest of your day.

Analyze your thoughts is our last of the 5 secrets of self-awareness. Just like it takes time to get to know a new person, we need time to learn about ourselves.  In fact, meeting a new person is sometimes easier because we have questions we often ask to get to know them, where are you from, how long have you lived here, etc.  We can also ask ourselves questions to know what state we are in right now. How am I feeling right now? Is there something I need to let go of or deal with?  What am I thinking about? The more you talk to yourself, the more you get to know yourself. 

Being self-aware can prevent you from having a meltdown or getting burned out.  It can help you to see the bus coming before you get run over so you can get out of your own way and have a happy day.  

Having a Bad Day, is Ok!

We all have days we want to just stay in bed.  Or days, where we can’t stay in bed, because of our minds are racing going over all the things we should have done, wish we could do, and so on.  Days that are just off, or days that are stressful, days were we worry too much.  Dr. David Burns states, “One minute of feeling upset is okay. Or an hour, a day, or a week. But I don’t want my patients to have to struggle with weeks, months, years or decades of misery.  I always tell my patients that we are all entitled to five happy days per week. If you aren’t having your five happy days, you need a little mental “tune-up! But if you’re having more than five happy days per week, that could be a problem,…” Blog post 2017-03-10, “Feeling Good” retrieved 2018-05-30 from: https://feelinggood.com/2017/03/10/is-it-possible-to-be-happy-all-the-time/

I had one of those days recently.  I am currently in a life transition and I find myself worrying about things I care about like friends and family who are struggling with life issues.  What if you listed all the good things about your sadness, stress, or anxiety? Like this: my worry about my friends and family says I care, I love them.  It reveals my thoughts are of them and I want what’s good for them.  It reminds me to make them a priority and not let life just float past.  These are all positive things and since my worry only lasts a day or two, I can accept and embrace it instead of being more anxious because I have a little worry in my life. 

Fear of fear, anxious of worry, frustrated about being angry. Worrying about negative feelings is a curse we all face at some point.  Maybe we recognize it, maybe we don’t.  Understanding that negative feelings are not all bad is a great step in finding true inner peace and happiness.  Struggles are part of life, and in fact, often make us better people.  They can remind us to look outside ourselves for a source of strength we can rely on, like spirituality.  For me that is a loving creator God.  What is your external strength? Can you rely on it?

Visit www.BodyMindHealthCoach.com and take our free course “Optimal Health” to learn more about the science of spirituality and how it affects your happiness, quality of life, and how long you live.