tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66181686817963134832024-03-12T19:59:22.905-06:00Body Mind Health Blog by Angela PochIncrease your health and happiness from the inside out.Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-18809744224926459132022-03-27T16:10:00.001-06:002022-03-27T16:10:17.167-06:00TEAM CBT - a framework for therapy/life coaching that is evidence based,...<iframe width="480" height="270" src="https://youtube.com/embed/9lI2JQwmGWs" frameborder="0"></iframe>Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-66829120332370596532021-08-31T07:59:00.003-06:002021-08-31T07:59:28.769-06:00<p>Like everyone, I
have a bias. My bias comes from both my upbringing and the choices that I
make now. I choose to be rational, thoughtful, deliberate. I firmly believe, based on the Bible, science, and my own experience, that our thoughts cause our
emotions 99% of the time. There can be influence of drugs and alcohol, sleep,
hormones, situations, or other factors that influence our thoughts, but
primarily it is our underlying belief system that triggers negative thoughts which in turn drives our emotions.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Let
me tell you how I came to this bias. I grew up on the outside looking in. There were some unusual things about my life that made
me question the so-called stereotypes in the world. My mom is from white
European dissent yet grew up in poverty. She was picked on by her classmates and even her principal
in high school told her she’d be better off on the street selling herself. She was dismissed, often called a liar,
and ridiculed for her principles. My mom did not have it easy. She suffered
abuse at the hands of friend and foe.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My
dad, on the other hand, was a foster kid. There were no camping trips or birthday parties. They didn’t get toys for Christmas and had to work on the farm. But my dad felt connected to and loved by his foster father. He has many happy
stories of his childhood. Yet my dad always speaks of enjoying his childhood. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m
realizing how unique my situation is. There are a lot of people who grow up in
stereotypical environments. They grew up in an unloving foster care system,
pushed around from parent to parent can’t never finding a loving supportive
guide to help them through childhood. There are many many thousands upon
thousands who are discriminated against because of their colour of their skin.
There are those that grow up in and around gangs, and violence, and fear.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My
heart truly aches for those who have these experiences. They are unjust,
horrible, need to be changed. And I am a firm believer in making changes,
improving the world around us. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For
me it’s so important to see the individual story and the ultimate truth
combined. For these are never at odds. And we underestimate our own personal
value system when we turn over our power to Believing our feelings are caused
by our situation. Don’t get me wrong, our feelings can be a result of our
circumstances and situation. I know it sounds like I’m splitting hairs but
there is a very important difference.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Our
circumstances and situations influence our thoughts based on our beliefs system
and values. This is so important to recognize. Because what’s bothering us is
not what’s wrong with us it was right with us. I’m stealing that from David
Burns. Can you see if I have a high sense of justice and moral code
of conduct then I will be angry when I see people hurting others. This is not a
bad thing. And recognizing my thoughts about justice and high standards actually
cause my feelings of anger does not make them less important or less real but
rather more important and more real. Because I acknowledge their directly
connected to my values.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Every
day we have many thoughts and many feelings. These are influenced by our core
beliefs. Our beliefs may or may not be correct and will be influenced by our bias.
And because of that our thoughts are not always positive influences on us. In
cognitive behaviour therapy we call these negative thoughts. And these are
thoughts that have distortion cause painful emotions, or emotions
that linger too long, or emotions that are not appropriate possibly even hiding
what’s really going on inside. </p><p class="MsoNormal">BUT this is great news because we can change these
thoughts by identifying the distortions!!!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">However
not all thoughts are distorted nor would we want to change all of our thoughts
just because they lead to uncomfortable emotions. No, it’s important for me to
never give up my anger toward an injustice in this world. I embrace my pain
when I think about what my native family has had to face being separated from
their tribes. I would not give that up for anything. I think that pain and
anger actually helps me to be more grateful and more happy.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">That’s
my last point of how my bias influences my thinking. That we can have multiple
emotions at the same time. In fact I would say this is the most way of being. I
think this starts to become obvious to people as they age. We can be excited
for someone getting married or having a baby and yet we are grieving the loss
of a dear friend who has passed away that same day. I think media has corrupted
her thinking process. We want nice cookie-cutter little boxes to put our
feelings in. Life isn’t that way and when we try to manipulate our life to fit
some thing we’ve read or something someone else has told us or something we’ve
watched we miss out on all the beauty going on inside of us and around us. We
don’t have to focus on only one thing for that one thing to be very important
to us.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Anyways
I wanted to share these biases openly and honestly because not everybody will have the same ones. And I want you to know that’s OK. Freedom of choice
is the starting point for everything that we are. And so I do try to keep my
biases at bay as a counsellor or life coach, but as an individual human being I
actually embrace some of my biases they are part of who I am. While other in
but biases I work hard to change and keep in check. Because I know not all
biases are inherently true. Just like not all thoughts are undistorted. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span>What
bias do you have that you’ve been fighting and are not willing to
embrace? </p>Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-44274571270914474742020-08-27T11:07:00.010-06:002020-09-01T13:31:13.843-06:00Identity Diversity & Acceptance, Don't get Boxed In!<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje6WsneYSd_zaJwimlJQ6lIEoDPH8_6617IuLQgLlkEUU5mmh7YYmA2N8SekS9unwtUh3QFSVWNvlmv9lmkbu8CT-tlAin-jGQZJ4_i-I8Dzgp3qAP7bf9If9IDHMhDmCIMORLUIvYhJA/s400/2020-08-25+not+in+a+box.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="267" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje6WsneYSd_zaJwimlJQ6lIEoDPH8_6617IuLQgLlkEUU5mmh7YYmA2N8SekS9unwtUh3QFSVWNvlmv9lmkbu8CT-tlAin-jGQZJ4_i-I8Dzgp3qAP7bf9If9IDHMhDmCIMORLUIvYhJA/s0/2020-08-25+not+in+a+box.jpg" /></a></div>It's been a long time coming, I'm nearing 50! My gender identity story. I’ve not shared it publicly before for fear of being misunderstood. But recently I've been encouraged by others to share it for the sake of others. In addition, I’ve been asked what does LGBTQ+ friendly mean? <div><br /></div><div>I can answer that last part first in couple sentences. It means I provide a safe space for anyone. As a person of faith I believe God loves everyone and is working in their best interest. My role is to be a vessel for Him. My personnel belief system doesn’t preclude me from being accepting of others. That said, I believe in the Bible and I have my own personal story about not fitting into a particular box. Life isn’t simple and neither are we. I have a burden to help people break free of boxes created by the world and various religions while staying true to their own healthy value system or morality!<p>So, with all that preamble, here's a short, partial version of my own identity journey. </p><p>Generally speaking I have a poor recollection of my childhood, but there are some portions that really stand out. When I was
about five or six I started to grasp the concept of boys and girls. As the realization set in, I became very upset that I was a girl. I remember crying and praying with every
fibre of my being, "Why God did you make me a girl?" "I should have been a boy." I totally, 100% felt I had the
wrong body. I didn't feel like a girl at all and I was upset and confused by it. It was a very painful and upsetting. </p><p>Over
the next few years, I continued to hate "being a girl", and from time to time had some negative thoughts about it, but for the most part I enjoyed my childhood. I made big truck box forts but never touched a doll. I cooked, sewed, and cleaned, all the chores any boy or girl should learn to do (certainly my husband and his two brothers learnt all these too!). I'd wear dresses my mom made but played barefoot in the mud. But my saving grace, I would spend hours in the woods, we had 5 wooded acres with water springs and beautiful flowers. I loved
nature and it was so healing. I grew closer and closer to God through the Bible and nature, and thought less and less about my body or my gender. </p><p>As I grew up, I found I could make friends with just about anyone; old or young, boy or girl, hell's angel bikers or church members. I knew
how boys thought and fit in with them very well, rough and tumble, no
problem. But I could get along with girls too. People were people. In my mind I didn't fit any box so why should I box up anyone else? </p><p>As I went through puberty I trusted God to get me through the mixed emotions and He did. I knew no matter what life threw at me, even genetics, God could get me through. My faith kept me looking to Jesus rather than myself or my identity. I learned that, while life circumstances can be hard or painful, and my body may not be what I want, I could choose to enjoy life. (By the way that's CBT in a nutshell, but I didn't know that!) As a teen I realized, maybe it wasn’t so bad that I was kind of half boy half girl. Maybe this was a blessing. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m thankful I grew up processing my gender issues by myself. I’m really glad I didn’t live in a world that pushed people into
boxes (because my parents protected me from that). I feel like as much as we're trying to be neutral or helpful, these days we
are stressing out kids more with</span> all the "education" on this topic. Kids don't need a science lesson to discover who they are. Give them a safe place to grow up and they will figure it out on their own. Key is a safe place, and that's pretty rare, but that's another story.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I want to pause here. There
are all kinds of factors that can influence what gender is. There’s
chromosomes, physical appearance, and stuff we don’t have a full understanding of. Did you know you can have the physical appearance of one gender yet the DNA of another? YES, it's possible and more common than you might think. In fact, 1 in 1000 babies are born intersex.1 Add to that XXY chromosomes to chimera’s to Androgen insensitivity syndrome, and you can see, sometimes it’s just not
black-and-white as far as male vs female. And while there may be people out there who are afraid of that
thought because of their religious beliefs it is not too hard for God to figure out. </p><p class="MsoNormal">God isn’t scared when a
person feels like they don’t fit into one gender role or has the wrong body
compared to their chromosomes. In fact, Jesus said in heaven we will "be like the angels"... gender neutral. Wrap your mind around that! Gender doesn't have to define who you are at all. Wow! </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Ok, back to my story. The end result... I am a happily married Christian to a wonderful
husband. I am comfortable with who I am, and not interested in my identity any longer. Labels simply don't matter to me anymore. I check
yes for a girl in some surveys and sometimes I check “I prefer not to share” but
I no longer struggle over who I am or my body. I suppose 'non-binary' is the best label if I am forced to pick one. I honestly this is because of my strong connection to God who accepts me for who I
am. This is how I can be LGBTQ+ friendly and a Christian, both as a person and as a counsellor. They are not in opposition to each other.2</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Anyway I hope my story might touch someone to see themselves or others in a new
way. I think we hear about identity struggles, those in turmoil about their bodies or gender or identity, and I wanted to
share it doesn’t always have to be that way. </p><p class="MsoNormal">By the way I still love trucks, mud, and hate dolls. </p><p class="MsoNormal">From my heart,</p><p class="MsoNormal">Angie</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">1. <a href="https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/news/20190503/study-about-1-in-1000-babies-born-intersex">https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/news/20190503/study-about-1-in-1000-babies-born-intersex</a><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">2. More info for Christians and gender from a Christian Doctor, two very good videos on the subject: </p><p class="MsoNormal">~ <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mwz-qEqcl6c">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mwz-qEqcl6c</a></p><p class="MsoNormal">~ <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dT41w3fZwTs&t=1s">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dT41w3fZwTs&t=1s</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Oh here's a footnote for PARENTS! </p><p class="MsoNormal">It is really important part to be comfortable with your kids as they are. My parents never made it a big issue that I was a tomboy, that’s what they called it back then. They didn’t try to talk me out of it, they didn’t look worried or concerned, it was just part of their kid, part of who I was, and they were OK with that. My parents concerns were more along the lines of was I kind, honest, doing my chores, learning at school, finding friends, enjoying church, and so on.</p></div>Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-61790535526437137082019-09-16T06:09:00.000-06:002019-10-07T06:10:04.011-06:00Why is therapy so slow to change?Let’s face it, if you’re going to spend eight years going to school you’re going to want to use what you learned. Even if the material is 30 years old or your schooling was 10 years ago. For some reason we understand that we’re constantly learning new things and technology and even in medicine. And yet we don’t seem to expect that of psychology. This is really erroneous thinking on our part. There’s new research being done on the brain, DNA, nature vs nurture, and various techniques used in psychotherapy.<br />
<br />
One of the most researched techniques, cognitive behavior therapy, shows some real promise in areas of therapy we thought wasn’t possible to fix. There are certain mental illnesses that were thought incurable, as if they were some kind of brain deformity. Now we’re learning even if the brain has had issues, or there has been trauma, we can teach coping skills to provide a more fulfilling and rewarding life. But the industry itself is slow to change. You don’t have to go back very far when people just shut away those with a low IQ or mental illnesses that were treatable.<br />
<br />
It grieves me to hear people talking about how long, or even impossible it is to recover from traumatic events or years of abuse. It does take effort, and it can be painful. It does take time, even with brief therapy your brain doesn’t change instantly, but certainly there is hope for recovery. I don’t believe in some magical formula. What grieves me is the idea it is going to take years and years and there are only little changes, little advancements. I’ve not found to be the case in my experience. And I have colleagues who’ve found that’s not been their experience with their clients either.<br />
<br />
So why aren’t all new therapists doing things differently? Many are. That’s the good news. Every week I meet new colleagues who are embracing a more effective way of doing therapy. There are more and more people going into the field who want to see their clients get better quickly. Who believe that there’s a lot of labels in the mental health industry that are not useful and possibly even wrong.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, not all therapists are trained the same. Unlike other professions where there is a very specific set of diagnostic and treatment tools, in psychotherapy and psychology there are many of theories, many ways to do “therapy” and much subjective debating. Even the DSM-V is under fire by some experts. The general public is not always aware of all this. First of all we can get in trouble with our associations if we say things that make others in our profession look bad. But it’s important we not hide from the facts. We need to embrace change and propel this industry into the future with success. Peoples lives are at stake. So I’m willing to take the risk because I think it’s unethical not to make a stand. Our profession needs to change. There needs to be more accountability. And regulations and associations are not cutting it. I get that that’s a starting place but without some kind of unifying documentation to show what works and what doesn’t we’re all sitting around a table arguing theory.<br />
<br />
What does this mean to you as an individual? It means don’t give up. Don’t fall for the rhetoric you see on TV and don’t be afraid to try more than one therapist or counsellor if you’re not finding recovery and success. That being said your therapist can only provide so much without you investing in a willingness to change yourself. That leaves me to number three.<br />
<br />
Of course I don’t have all the answers, nor am I the perfect therapist. I don’t even have a doctorate like many others in psychology. I only know that without awareness we can’t move forward. We have to be able to analyze what’s going on right now. What’s working? What isn’t working? And the only way to do that is to have data. The only way to have data is to do testing. Many aren’t ready to go that route. They think it will interrupt therapy, cause a break in empathy. The evidence I have seen so far is the opposite. Testing actually brings us closer to the patient. (burns podcast) We can’t read minds.<br />
<br />
No matter how skillful therapist is they can’t possibly know what a patient is actually thinking and feeling 100% of the time. If one thinks they know something they don’t improve. They think they’ve got it figured out. In school we are told if the client is not improving that’s transference and it’s some kind of psychological issue the client has. Or the client has some incurable mental issue. The reality is more likely if a client isn’t improving it’s likely the therapist who has the problem. Either they’re not creating enough empathy and therapeutic regard, or they’re jumping into methods too soon, or they’re using the wrong methods for that client, or they haven’t dealt with the clients resistance to change, or the pushing the client to change something the client is not willing to change.<br />
<br />
Mental Health does have many subjective components so how do you collect data? What is happiness? How do you define that? What does the client mean when they say I feel desperate? In medicine it was thought pain was too subjective to measure. For years pain management was done by doctors analyzing the source of pain and use a calculated average based on nerve endings, function, non-verbal cues, etc. But we’ve learned that, while pain is subjective, it is relevant to the person who’s going through it. And now pain scales are used in hospitals all over the world on a regular basis to test patients and collect data to determine a course of action. Yes, observational tools are still also used but medicine did just throw up its hands and say, it’s too subjective to test and treat, so each doctor can just do whatever they feel is right.<br />
<br />
This is totally doable in the Mental Health industry too. Dr Beck started it with his depression inventory in the late 70’s. There’s been some other surveys and assessments out there and there’s new ones coming out. They’re not always done with skill. Anyone can write a survey, but unless you understand how statistics work, you can create questions that skew the data. This leads to conflicting information and the conclusion we really can’t understand the brain so we have to go by instinct alone. But in my mind this is unacceptable. We can go over data, we can see where we’ve made mistakes, and we can continue to refine it and prove it. We can combine the art of therapy with a more trained, objective process.<br />
<br />
Let’s continue to explore and learn. We don’t want to get stuck in the dark ages when it comes to mental health. Let’s embrace analyzing what works and what doesn’t. We don’t have to be tricked into thinking it’s not possible. We really can put a number on it and find healing.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-64967019158057096252019-08-18T06:49:00.000-06:002019-09-24T06:49:50.101-06:00Why is TV therapy stuck in the dark ages?<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT8K3x5CmgyvqhMKSkElHXc-DMB4MaVpEaTuTSp-rT8xQ6qcmkHJWt9FpwImnPSxHCgzwGpv1vFjMNkIlgf7W3Q5t9bEJZdLFZP5rP2U5hCN8oyRgHVppaMcpuhmsBr2PzzkErCTMfz48/s320/2019-08-18-TV-dark-ages-600px.jpg" width="320" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
not just TV, but the general public’s beliefs about therapy as seen in various
media. By dark ages, I mean the earliest ideas, such as those by Freud and
others in that era. There is some knowledge that is still relevant but come on,
why are we using techniques in TV for mental health that are over 75 years old?
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One
of the things we see in the media is ONLY the most severe cases get therapy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is very frustrating to me! Like you’ve
got to have it really bad before you should go get help. Honestly that’s
ridiculous. You might have just one minor nit picky feeling of shame that you
want to deal with that’s totally OK to get help for. You don’t need to be
traumatized to see a counselor. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another
thing shown in TV land that is from ages past is you have to see a therapist
for years and years to recover. Especially if it’s OCD, PTSD, or major
depression. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But research shows brief, solution-focus
and/or CBT, therapy is far more effective than the old ‘couch’ approach. And
lastly, some of the tools used in TV therapy make for great scripts but are not
very effective in real life. Spending session after session talking about your
mother won’t cure your fear of heights!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It really
bugs me because we don’t see actors using bloodletting on modern medicine shows,
yet we keep showing therapy from the 1950's, with the couch and never-ending
weekly sessions. Why is that? Well I’ve got a few ideas. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">First
of all, confidentiality. Many don’t want others to know some of the stuff
they’ve had to face. And even if they are thrilled with the results of
recovery, it is completely unethical for us to use any testimonials. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So the mental health industry looks silent and
closed off. While we see ratings and reviews for all other services, counsellors
and therapists avoid this (even anonymous ones) because we’ve been programmed to
thing that is unethical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, the real
stories and rates of recovery are hidden from view.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Secondly,
quick full recovery is not as common as it could be and hit and miss from practitioner
to practitioner. Therapists are not all trained the same, they are left to ‘be
congruent’ with themselves and do what comes ‘naturally’. Unlike other trades
or professions where there is a very specific set of diagnostic and treatment tools,
in psychotherapy and psychology there is all kinds of conflicting theories,
many ways to do ‘therapy’ and much subjective debating. More on this next article.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Third
reason we don’t see lots of recovery stories or effective therapy on TV or in
the media is most people like the status quo. Believe it or not most of us
don’t want to change. Actually, there’s lots of reasons to not change, some of
them actually quite positive. But in any case, we want to believe we can’t
change because then it gives us complete 100% permission to just stay the way we
are. Even those with severe depression or crippling anxiety. Maybe It’s become
part of who they are and they’re afraid that somehow if they let go, they will lose
a part of themselves. Maybe we feel it’s unfair we have to change when we are
the victims. Which is totally true! It’s not fair. In fact, I’ve gotten flak for
posting articles on how to improve your life because some feel that’s victim blaming.
It would be wonderful if all the perpetrators of hurtful things had to take on
the responsibility to change. But unfortunately, the way we are designed, it
doesn’t work for someone else to fix us even if they are responsible for the
hurt. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fourth
reason, we don’t want people to feel bad if they don’t recover. If there are
shows on TV where someone can go to therapy and recover from the PTSD in a few
sessions, people will feel everyone should recover quickly and that would lead
clients to be disappointed if they didn’t. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fifth.
The writers don’t know better. Yep, full recovery with brief therapy is still
pretty new. And there’s a lot if old shows and reruns out there. Plus new ones created
from novels written decades ago. Just like it took Hollywood quite some time to
get leading female roles on major motion pictures I think it’s going to take
time for Hollywood to catch up with modern therapy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Lastly,
there are still plenty of therapists practicing old school therapy like you see
on TV. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Don’t let what you see on TV discourage you!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can get successful results for minor or
major issues with a good therapist. Many counsellors offer free consultations
and you can talk to them about what to expect. We can’t give you a timeline or guarantee
but you can find healing for most issues if you are willing to put in the work
to change and ready to face your inner demons. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not always easy but it’s totally worth
it!</span></div>
Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-17445685133678310622019-08-05T07:58:00.000-06:002019-09-24T07:49:51.669-06:00Can People Really Change?<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="449" data-original-width="600" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnnzu7S-qGY5fN8peABE2CJpDeYqsIyEofgwNghHmYQKRdokscuifHAI_mQk_WUuheDT1WKNvoPC8K_n98rLk-c-S2XeMsT3-RVJKurIqvGRBaUEPjhgCpQKgX9iG7FziUQnxx9O6V8Vw/s320/2019-08-05-change-600px.jpg" width="320" /></div>
I'm not going to hold you in suspense! Yes & No! No, there are somethings we can't change and Yes there are many things we can! I’ve witnessed it over and over. One
of my biggest pet peeves while watching TV, especially dramas based off of
best-selling books, is this idea that people can’t change. That people are just
who we are and that’s all there is. That we really don’t have much choice, we are just let about by DNA and circumstances. Bad people are bad and
good people are good is a common thread throughout much of television.<br />
<br />
Here’s
the thing, we see evidence of the opposite is true, we see people changing every day! Of course, we can also find
examples of people staying the same as well, and I don’t have a problem with that. My
issue is the “it’s impossible for people to change” concept. Remember I said this is a Yes & No answer? There is personality, you know your favourite colour, whether not you like cats
and dogs or prefer a fur free zone, whether we are task oriented or motivated by relationships, if you are generally serious or silly, if you like your schedule structured or spontaneous or both. These kind
of personality traits are more fixed and there’s some evidence that those kind of things do stem from
our DNA and upbringing.<br />
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What
I am talking about is can we be free from certain things that plague us that people often lump into the 'personality' thing. For example anxiety or phobias, or if we are impatience or get angry a lot. Most people are not
born with phobias or anger management problems (I know some kids have more temper tantrums and we can be more PRONE to anxiety or anger issues by DNA and circumstances). Sometimes trauma can trigger a phobia as well. That doesn’t
mean you have to live with it's effects forever. Also, there are things we are born with, predisposition if you will, that we can still change in terms of choice and behaviour. For example, you might be a natural introvert but you don't have to have social anxiety. You can be an introvert and not be anxious around crowds, chatting with a small group, or presenting in front of people. </div>
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Why this is so frustrating is because there
are many who could have freedom, but they don’t know it. They are told it’s
just the way it is. you’re going to have to go through years of therapy to deal
with your trauma and maybe you’ll be able to cope with your phobia but really we can't change. But there’s
evidence that this is not true. Not only in my own experience, but I hear from
colleagues and clients too. Stories those recovering from phobias very quickly,
sometimes within a few sessions, while for others it takes a few months, yet they
gain recovery in the end.</div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
think we’re so used to hearing the stories that someone has been/done X their whole life. They never changed. We all know people who "have been like that their whole lives." We don’t think to question
it. </span>But, if you look and listen you will hear many stories about growth and change. People who go from being lazy to productive, angry to calm, unhappy to finding joy, or like in my case full of anxiety to peace. This isn't to say one never experiences it again. It's the bent of the character, the daily experiences that change. We will have off days, set backs, relapses but what is the majority of your experience? </div>
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Let's meet Joyce (name and circumstances changed to protect identity, she has passed away now). Joyce grew up in a poor family in small rural town. She had very few friends and suffered emotional and physical abuse as a child. Times were tough growing up and she remembers nights with little or no food. In high school she was told by a teacher since she was beautiful she should just try the street to earn a living. Her mother had a severe mental illness and her parents divorced when she was young. She found herself in a constant battle between trying to be independent and looking for approval from others. She clung to money since she had little growing up. Perfectionism plagued her to the point of attempting suicide. But she found she had a choice. She had been a Christian, but it took her some time to realize she didn't experience the peace it offered because she held onto her past, her self-defeating beliefs of perfectionism and to feel valued she needed approval of others. She didn't get therapy or find enlightenment in a single moment, but she did change and find that peace. She became one of the most generous people I know. While still stingy with herself, she would give and give to others. Time, money, or things, didn't matter she loved sharing. She had a spark of joy. Of course, like the rest of us she had bad days and relapses. Times where she started to worry about what others thoughts, but these would pass. Like us she had victory in some areas of her life and needed growth in others. Had Joyce be able to use the TEAM-CBT tools I am 100% confident she would have turned the corner far more rapidly and been able to conquer some more of the things she wanted to change in herself. But whether change takes you sometime or happens quickly over a few weeks or months, it is possible, just like with Joyce.<br />
<br />
I would be amiss if I didn't talk about spirituality and God. I realize this is getting to a taboo subject even with an emphasis on freedom and acceptance. But it would be unethical of me to share the single most powerful way to experience change, following a healthy spiritual journey. I believe God is involved in your life right now whether you believe in Him or not. We are told all good things come from God and that includes recovery from painful emotions and traumatic events. This was Joyce's experience. And how much more powerful can we get if we add the effective mental health tools, like CBT, with spirituality. Amazing results!!!</div>
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It’s sad the recovery stories are seldom talked about in the media. Why is that? Tune into my next post for the answer. BUT for right NOW if
you want to move forward and there’s something holding you back I encourage you
to <a href="https://angelapoch.com/free-session.htm" target="_blank">book a free consultation here</a>.</div>
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Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-23430150361856187572019-07-07T10:56:00.001-06:002019-07-07T11:02:01.788-06:00Is Online Therapy As Good As In Person?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWQF_csNZgd19N0y7OSToimkY8ZNJ3ZkAiyKAa_WcudWrJxtpNU6kdVXiaa-yHgUOdYzRSLtY0WHHKE-UlQQQegILhexOoh36vL0e1w-eTp_nCSjqVBvOVfnFCcZUc-05auqIE0cZlvxQ/s1600/online-therapy-600px.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWQF_csNZgd19N0y7OSToimkY8ZNJ3ZkAiyKAa_WcudWrJxtpNU6kdVXiaa-yHgUOdYzRSLtY0WHHKE-UlQQQegILhexOoh36vL0e1w-eTp_nCSjqVBvOVfnFCcZUc-05auqIE0cZlvxQ/s320/online-therapy-600px.png" width="320" /></a>Let’s
face it we live in the digital age. From cyber social structure to buying
groceries, the Internet has become the go to place, not only for information and advice, but also for services and products. I admit I love technology. I’ve always
loved cameras, gadgets, and yes, the Internet! But I also love an old school,
off grid experience. No power, no problem. I’m not sure why I love these two extremes but I do and I also love both traditional in person therapy as well as online
therapy. Both have their place in our ever busier, stressed out lives.<br />
<br />
The reality is, online therapy can be face to face when using a video
platform, this is my approach. Sure, there is a screen in front of you, but you still experience facial expressions and other non-verbal communication not available with phone or text which are also other forms of teletherapy. So, it’s important to see what is being used when choosing an online therapist to find the right fit for you.<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let’s
look at some research that’s been done on online therapy versus traditional
therapy and see what site says about the effectiveness.</span> “There was
support for the application of psychotherapeutic interventions through the
Internet; online therapy was especially effective for treating anxiety and
stress-effects that lasted after therapy ended and on average was as effective
as face-to-face intervention.” <sup>1</sup> Online therapy is especially effective when using CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy), one of the main tools I use with my clients in both life coaching and counselling.2 </div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
Some
of the pros to online work are pretty obvious:</div>
<ul type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Availability. The client
is able to get therapy without going anywhere. This has a whole host of
benefits within itself. For example the client may be mobile limited and
housebound. The client may live in a small town where there are no
therapist. The client may have difficulty arranging their schedule to see
a therapist due to work hours. Also because there’s more flexibility in
scheduling on behalf of the practitioner this makes them more available to
clients. For example a therapist could Offer sessions for two hours on the
weekend without having to go into work open up the office and so on.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Confidentiality. The
client doesn’t run the risk of someone they know seeing them walk in to
the therapist office. This is especially beneficial for professionals or
those who live in smaller towns.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Comforts of home. One
online therapist reported their clients actually felt more comfortable in
sharing vulnerable issues and disclosing how they feel because they’re in
a familiar setting there at home<sup>3</sup>. They feel like they can
relax and really share what’s on their mind.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Flexibility &
Convenience. As already mentioned with the client not having to go
anywhere this makes it very convenient for clients to book an appointment
and to attend a therapy session. Whether they are a mother with small
children or they work long hours this convenience provides an opportunity
for those who might not otherwise be able to get therapy.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Opportunity &
Specificity. Clients can find a more specific therapist to meet their
needs and this provides them with more effective tools. For example not
only can they find a therapist Who understands depression but also is of
the same faith or similar faith. Both therapist and client can be far more
specific in choosing who they work with and in line with the clients
needs. Clients Are not limited to just the few therapists in their area
but can search for wider for therapist not only skilled in their
particular issue, But also works with the tools the client might already
be interested in. For example I had clients come to me because they wanted
a Christian therapist who is well-versed in cognitive behaviour therapy
for relationship issues. That’s pretty specific. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
while this is a benefit I am leaving it off the bullet points because it’s not
exclusive to online therapy. Nor will all online therapists be testing their
clients and thus you may not know their effectiveness. But competition combined
with ratings and reviews, lead to greater effectiveness. Often ratings are more
available for online therapists. Because there’s more competition online
therapists are learning they’ve got to be more effective. In fact there are
companies working on platforms to rate therapists based on client progress
reports. This maybe a ways off in becoming the norm, I do believe it will
eventually be a standard of care. Well many studies report traditional therapy
is about 50% effective, those doing testing with their clients using some firm
of progress report are generally far more effective than 50% since they can
address failures in therapeutic alliance and see what methods are and aren’t
working. I have colleagues that even offer a money back guarantee because
they’ve yet to have a client who’s not improved. This is not to say good
therapy can cure all mental illness, but rather there should be a significant
improvement in symptoms or the client should be informed the therapist does not
have the skills to help them so they can find someone who can. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What
about the limitations of online therapy. What are some pretty obvious ones
first of all you have to have good Internet connection. And even with a good
Internet connection there still technology glitches with computers freezing,
Internet hiccups, software issues, and other hardware mishaps. Clients who are
not well-versed in technology may find it frustrating at first to have to
figure out their camera and their microphone as well as complete online tasks
such as filling in reports and surveys. Additionally, just as in gave to face
therapy there are some legal issues that need to be considered based on
location of the therapist and the client. Another con is confidentiality
problems if the clients email is not private. Because a lot of people have
their computers and phones easy to access by the family members it is possible
for there to be a breach of confidentiality at the clients end and the
therapist has no control over that. Many online therapist refused to use email
for that reason and do everything through secure platforms. Other therapists
like myself warn the client about this potential invasion of privacy and
encourage our clients to use a private email for all correspondence and
scheduling. And lastly online therapy would be inappropriate for suicidal
clients or those requiring physical intervention such as major addictions,
those experiencing ongoing psychosis, or severe eating disorders. These need an
appropriate treatment facility. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
of course I am writing this from a biased perspective being that I’m an online
therapist. I really do find it to be easy to use with my clients. And since
I’ve been the tech-support in my home for many years I don’t mind guiding
clients in using the technology either. So for me it’s been a great opportunity
to provide services to those who live near or far. If you want to give online
therapy a try I do offer a free 15 minute consultation book yours below:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Sources:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: 9.0pt;">1. <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0026877/"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0026877/</span></span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 9.0pt;">2. </span><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25273302">https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25273302</a><br />
<span style="font-size: 9.0pt;">3. <a href="https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/confessions-of-virtual-therapist-pros-cons-of-online-therapy-0719174"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/confessions-of-virtual-therapist-pros-cons-of-online-therapy-0719174</span></span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-2195259961496847402019-06-22T07:14:00.001-06:002019-06-22T07:14:33.096-06:00Herd Mentality: When you don’t need evidence to back up your claims.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN9ewC4JYtrCcJQ0_3WerWhIjmDtagnwFlErK7R9cMRyYjDVOJIaLpJpkdrhd6deKfaktMXagEj7rUFsBMOn3K2SOeWPLZiurEp5-E-a3WdRC3IH9n7Q-rseqfkg2YyY5Yg-MChPjwm1U/s1600/herd+mentality.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN9ewC4JYtrCcJQ0_3WerWhIjmDtagnwFlErK7R9cMRyYjDVOJIaLpJpkdrhd6deKfaktMXagEj7rUFsBMOn3K2SOeWPLZiurEp5-E-a3WdRC3IH9n7Q-rseqfkg2YyY5Yg-MChPjwm1U/s320/herd+mentality.jpg" width="320" /></a>It’s
out there. What out there? Every thing! If you have a question someone has an
answer. Whether it’s forums or blogs or online magazines or social media.
People have always been opinionated but with the Internet it was the dawn of
mass support for an idea and the right to express an opinion, how ever you feel
like, whether or not there’s enough evidence to back it up. Freedom of speech
we say, yet at what point is it ‘bearing false witness’? Just because you see something on the
Internet with 40 doctors backing it up or thousands of people agreeing on
social media, it doesn’t make it true. The scary thing is something might only
have a limited presence online, with a minority agreeing with it, and it truly
is a saving grace. A pivotal key component of people’s happiness or health gets
lost in the shuffle of nonsense and noise.</div>
</div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Because
there are billions of people online, 3.2 billion in fact as of April of this
year<sup>1</sup>, you can find support for just about anything. Flat earth -
Yep, Coffee is good - of course, coffee is bad - for sure, Low-carb diets good,
plant-based diets good (which are mostly carbs by the way). After awhile it
gets so confusing that the easiest thing to do is just pick one that sounds
good to you or seems right. How do you think superstitions began? A few ladies
sitting around the stew pot over the open fire start chatting. One says, “You
know a black cat crossed my path the other day and then my husband got bit by a
goat.” Another lady pipes up, “Weird a couple months ago a black cat crossed my
path and I couldn’t find my sewing needle for three weeks.” I don’t know how
black cat crossing your path became bad luck started but this is how a lot of
concepts get going. It’s called anecdotal evidence. There are two things that
happen with enough frequency it looks like there’s a correlation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
problem with that is we tend to pick things that agree with us if we are not
using critical thinking and we aren’t in the mood to change. We like things
that don’t rub us the wrong way or that seem better. Maybe easier and more to
our liking. Or sometimes the opposite is true, if you love conflict you’ll pick
the most controversial idea. Or, if being unique is at your core essence, you
might pick something that is most obscure. But no matter how many people all
post they agree it and share it, it doesn’t make it right. It might be
partially true in certain circumstances but not to the extend we see it blown
out of proportion in the media. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Case in
point: keto diet, low carb, has had some limited success in helping small
children with severe epilepsy but plant based diets (not always vegan or exclusive)
are well documented to ward off most lifestyle diseases like cardiovascular
disease, diabetes, even cancer, and it is the most common for longevity and
vitality in later years. So, yes, there are some positive things about a low
carb diet and it may even have a place in the treatment of some disorders but
that doesn’t make it the best diet for everyone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Balance
and context are absolutely critical for finding what’s right for our needs in
this moment. What’s good for one person might not be good for another. What’s
good for you and one circumstance might not be the best choice now. There are
teens who game for hours every day that would love to hear research on how video
games help with math. But they neglect articles on being sedentary for so many
hours a day is harmful for other aspects of their intellect and physical
health. A professional athlete might read an article on pushing yourself
through the pain. They want to win that metal and are willing to do what they
have to get there. Never mind the research on pushing through the pain was in terms
of someone who’s had an injury and needed physiotherapy. And how much pushing
must be guided to prevent further injury. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Context
is very important. I once wrote an article in a tongue-in-cheek sarcastic tone
designed for people to use for introspection. However if you read that article
with the mindset that this applied to everyone it sounded mean and/or if you
aren’t prone to sarcasm. That certainly wasn’t my intention to be mean or make
sweeping statements about the human condition. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are a lot a little one liners on
Facebook that really fall into this category. The little one liners like “Just
say no” “Peace comes from within” “Be yourself” can sound awesome and inspiring
or shallow and meaningless depending on what state of mind you are currently in
and what your life circumstances are. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
did a article years ago on how to do the right kind of research to decipher
truth so I’m not going to talk about how to do proper scientific research here.
Here we are talking about mindset. Your mindset when you’re looking at
information. And how to recognize the cues in yourself because you to believe
something that may not be in your best interest. I already mentioned a few. Did
you catch some of them? Herd mentality, appealing to the senses like tugging at
your heart strings or fear tactics, and using your current goals, likes, and
dislikes to sway you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If
something appeals to you because it seems easy or fun or it allows you to
continue to do something inherently that’s probably the biggest red flag. We
want to hear chocolate or coffee is good for you. Or you should rest when
something is sore and achy. Most of us would love to just take that at face
value, depending on our state of mind or circumstances. Where this hit home for
me was in terms of exercise. I’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, an
autoimmune disorder. There actually very few experts in the field of
fibromyalgia because for a long time it was viewed with skepticism. So those of
us with the disorder often rely on each other for information along with our
general practitioner and rheumatologist. Almost all those with fibromyalgia
will tell you doing too much makes them exhausted and in pain. So, we love to
hear go slow, take it easy, rest as soon as it starts to hurt. The only trouble
is it almost always does and inactivity is the worst thing you can do for
fibromyalgia. Really inactivity is the worst thing you can do for your health
for anyone. Yes, there are certain injuries requiring rest but the body also
needs some motion for circulation the corner stone of health. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Obviously
there has to be a balance based on the needs of the individual person. We don’t
like to push ourselves for several reasons maybe it’s too much effort, we don’t
have the time, we are avoiding pain, we want to do something else, and the list
goes on. The interesting thing is when I push myself, I mean really push
myself, the pain does go up a little bit but my enjoyment in life goes up
exponentially! So is avoiding pain and not doing the things I love worth it?
When I do that, not only am I not getting to do the things I love, but it’s
slowly making me worse because the body atrophies very quickly. And truth be
told the pain eventually gets less the more activity I do, if I am consistent
and alternative what muscles are being worked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
how do you pick whether or not to believe something without doing a ton of
research? How do you know what the truth is? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Step
one, be willing to see the truth. Really? What does that have anything to do
with if something is right or wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing
of course!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your mindset doesn’t change whether
or not a diet is good for you. BUT it does change how you view the information!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perspective is an integral part of
knowledge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Know how you think and
process information. It’s quite amazing how obvious truth becomes when we just
follow a few simple steps. I’ve already mentioned the first one you have to be
willing to see the truth. You have to be willing to take a look at yourself and
make changes. Once you’re willing to honestly look for what’s right for you, the
answers become more clear and easier to decipher. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Step
two. Get to know yourself better. Are you a skeptic or accepting, are you
easily swayed by emotions, how easy is it for you to stand against the crowd? </span>Sometimes
our gut is right, depending on your personality and if you really do want to
know the truth. But for others who are easily swayed because their initial gut
reaction is to accept what they hear. We call it gullibility (a real gene in
the DNA<sup>2</sup>) but that’s sounds negative so I prefer accepting and the
Big Five personality traits adds this as a factor to agreeableness. So it’s
clear gullibility/accepting is not a negative character trait. It’s just a
predisposition like any other. Accepting people are open to ideas and often
friendly and less cynical. Ok, back to our mindset and truth. If you know
you’re more accepting/agreeable then maybe your gut instinct isn’t a good first
choice or only choice but you can still listen to it. Sometimes that first
instinct says I’m not so sure about this, but we actually talk ourselves into
it because some part of us wants to believe it. Or we might be predisposed to believing
herd mentality (especially if we have low confidence), “Look how many people
are saying this is good.” That many can’t be wrong.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Thus
step 3 is be slow to accept new ideas but not impervious to them. There’s a
good balance between being wishy-washy believing anything that comes around the
corner, and immovable no matter how much evidence is presented. This is similar
to the first step being willing to be wrong. So be willing to give up a
preciously long held idea and open to new ones but require solid evidence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
want to digress a bit back to herd mentality. It’s not about how many people
agree with an idea but who those people are and if they are experts in that field.
You might have five doctors all agree that this particular diet is wonderful.
You might also have some really close friends that are smart and dear to you
that also believe in that same diet. But to really know if the diet is healthy
you need to check out what do registered dietitians think about it. Clinical dietitians
are far more well-versed in diet the doctors. I know that sounds strange but
doctors get very little training in nutrition while dietitians do years of study
just in food, how it affects the body and what foods have what nutrients. So
it’s not about how much you like the expert or how well they explain something
but is this expert truly an expert in his field or her field. Logic isn’t always
right, but I talk all bout that in my article on proper research.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
I want to qualify that a true expert is someone who not only is trained generally
in that field, but has studied the particular aspect you are looking at. For
example I’m a nutritionist but I’m not an expert in blue zone diet’s. I have
not sat down and research them in particular for years as much as Dr. Colin
Campbell. That’s not to say I don’t know enough to share information but I
would not call myself an expert. I think this is where we get lost. Lots of
people can talk really well, they are logical, and make sense. How are we to
know if they’re actually an expert? Simply look at their biographies. I would generally
trust one specialized expert in the field over 100 professionals in that same
field. Another words you might have thousands of fitness trainers all with
degrees and general experience, all claiming a new exercise routine is the best
thing since sliced bread. Physiologists also get on board, and general
practitioners start promoting it to their patients. The world gets excited and
it’s in magazines and all over the internet. But a researcher comes up who is
been studying this particular exercise for 10 years and they say it could
possibly hurt your knees. I’m going to go with that one expert because they’ve
taken the time to really look at all the critical details that are missed by
the others, often because the media fails to report those tiny but vital pieces
of the puzzle. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It’s
easy to buy into the pack mentality. That the majority is right. But history
has repeatedly shown the majority is often not right. You need to be an
individual and while there’s a wisdom in a crowd for certain things in life we
also have to stand on her own 2 feet when it comes to making decisions for
ourselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Sources:<o:p></o:p></div>
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1 <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Internet_usage">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Internet_usage</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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2 <a href="https://www.npr.org/templates/transcript/transcript.php?storyId=99160094">https://www.npr.org/templates/transcript/transcript.php?storyId=99160094</a>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-66716845503649247992019-05-25T08:20:00.003-06:002019-05-25T08:20:39.787-06:00Removing Truth from Error. <br />
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<span style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbbIZk2qixTNVbT8jZ0Su5trBDjgKx8FuA6yaOe7_XlKet231J60ZudV1ESDvHICrDq-8oAnhmFhWKYoMiR4AhiTttqEINLCTu9wxG0kSFZvY031Erj6OqNxTSKioXArpbcROywfoAK9c/s320/wild-strawberries-600px.jpg" width="320" /></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Imagine
you just spend 2 hours in an alpine meadow on your knees picking wild
strawberries. You finally have 4 cups of tiny power packed morsels of goodness.
If you’ve never eaten a wild strawberry, image five of the very best
strawberries you’ve ever eaten packed into the size of a very small grape. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amazing, right? So, you can’t wait to mix them
up with a little whip cream and top a freshly baked shortcake. You hike down
the mountain and drive home. </span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Finally after that day’s journey you arrive at home. Joy and a feeling of accomplishment washing over you. As you walk toward the
house you are so happy, you are almost ready to bite into these gems. Your mouth is already watering as you smell the sweet red jewels. But as you almost read the house you trip, wobbling you try to regain your balance but alas, you drop the basket spilling it's delicate cargo all over the gravel driveway.
Your heart sinks and joy fades as you watch the precious fruit roll in all directions. You
scoop up as many as you can find, but now, stuck to the tiny fruit are bits of
gravel. So, now what do you do? Do you take the fruit in and wash it or do you just throw it out frustrated and disgusted it's been tainted? I don’t know
about you, but I would wash it! I'm not going to give up on those little beauties I worked so hard for. Really, I reason, it’s only a little more work to clean them with
the gravel than without. True, the strainer doesn’t get rid of the larger pieces
of rocks, those you have to individually pull out. But it’s worth it right? Why
would you give up on something you’ve worked so hard to obtain?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yet,
in spiritual, philosophical, emotional, or other matters we can be in danger of throwing out
the fruit when we find a bit of gravel in it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We see error and fear grips us. Most of us have been programmed, hard wired, to desire truth over error. Disclaimer, just because we believe we are right or know something to be true doesn't make it so. But we rarely think we are wrong and are ok with that. There is something about being right that drives us. So when falsehood raises
its ugly head we are quick, especially Bible believing Christians, to see it
and stomp on it. </span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But what would happen to our little berries if we stomped on them?
Would that get rid of the gravel? Well, you certainly wouldn’t have to worry about the gravel that's for sure. It's one way to deal with it. But you won't be able to eat the
fruit after that. It just becomes a mess once they are mixed through and
through. But you miss the blessing when that happens. The fruit is ruined. But
if instead you wash the fruit, you get rid of the gravel, or error, while
keeping the fruit, or in our analogy truth. Our desire to crush lies can actually hurt the truth! Wow, not something we think about very often is it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wait! Am I
saying we should be ok with a little error when it comes attached to some
precious fruit? No, not at all. Remember in the analogy, we need to wash the
fruit for it to be safe to eat, otherwise we can chip a tooth if we were to eat the berries with even
one piece of gravel on it. Just one tiny rock can ruin the experience. That's symbolic! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
what does this mean practically? When you listen to a sermon or read a self help book
will it always be 100% true? Do you then cloister yourself from all human
influences? God is working to save all humanity would you agree? Does that
include Christians? Other religions? Atheists? Of course. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of my career mentors uses little proverbs
from the Bible, and sometimes Buddha, and all of them fit in line with my
understanding of scripture. Do I throw out a truth which can be support by the
Bible because Buddha said it? What if Mohammad said it? Just because I come from one belief system doesn't mean there is ONLY truth in that ONE system and that EVERYTHING else is false. </span>I’ve
seen people so fearful of error they throw out important truths, like throwing out the strawberries with gravel stuck to them. </div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The good news is it’s very easy to separate truth
from error, just like washing dirty fruit. We simply look for, and embrace the truth.
It’s not that hard or complicated. There maybe some deep and more profound
truths in symbols and metaphors hidden in scripture but that’s part of washing
preconceived ideas from our own minds. None of us know everything
perfectly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all make mistakes, have
biases and hidden assumptions buried in our minds. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> The more we embrace truth the quicker we will see errors, but it's all contingent on us being willing to accept that truth when we see it. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So, be careful not to throw the baby out with the
bathwater.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(An old German proverb dating
back to Medieval times with truth relevant for all cultures today.)</span></div>
<br />Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-52875982742312027962019-05-06T07:53:00.000-06:002019-05-27T07:40:24.812-06:00Stress is the NEW Smoking: 7 Secrets to Manage Stress<br />
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<img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYq5DCFWyvRRhOmNmv1l9F6ylCpwsNw2sB3a_ur9sHTiEfB5GcQitSNOpaJsYALgJvC1Zie-k0QTEf2PExoM0xto0DYD5Jw65hWGw9r8I1kefzleDt4okuE47CapvJ4XxR-zDEBFUsouE/s320/stress-meter-showing-panic-attack-from-stress-or-worry.jpg" style="text-align: center;" width="320" /></div>
In my last article I talked about stress, anxiety, and hidden emotions. This week I'd like to explore the body/mind connection of stress and how to combat it in our lives. But before we do that, just a reminder, not all stress is bad. Not everyone is stressed by the same stressors. It is a complicated process which means we can't give definitive answers to many of the general questions like: why do we get stressed or how can we stop it. What we can do is be aware of what is going on in our own minds and work toward mediating how that affects us.<br />
<br />
Just in time for mental health awareness month, I've found there is more and more evidence linking stress to all manner of diseases. While there is a new catch phrase, "Sitting is the new smoking", I'd say stress is too. Since smoking has been on the decline for almost a decade now, and people are hearing all about eating right and exercise, we've gotten complacent in dealing with harmful influences to our health that are more insidious than one might first think. Not too mention harder to define and eliminate which makes them less researched. One of the best books on the subject of how bad stress is for you, is by Dr. Gabor Mate, "When Your Body Says No."<br />
<br />
Here is some of what we do know. (Salleh M. R. 2008) "Studies have shown that short-term stress boosted the immune system, but chronic stress has a significant effect on the immune system that ultimately manifest an illness...The morbidity and mortality due to stress-related illness is alarming. Emotional stress is a major contributing factor to the six leading causes of death in the United States: cancer, coronary heart disease, accidental injuries, respiratory disorders, cirrhosis of the liver and suicide.<br />
<br />
Since I could write pages on how stress affects our health but that would not give you any practical help, I'm going to skip all that and assume you believe me that stress is harming your health and instead jump to how to treat stress. Here are the 7 secrets to managing stress:<br />
<ol>
<li>Prayer combined with trusting in God and awareness of oneself (or mindfulness meditation)</li>
<li>Exercise</li>
<li>Healthy diet (plant based or Mediterranean is best)</li>
<li>CBT Therapy (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy)</li>
<li>Rest (sleep, recreation, etc.)</li>
<li>Social activity (both social support & doing something for someone else)</li>
<li>Identify and limit/reduce stressors</li>
</ol>
So these are not in any kind of order of importance, in fact, I recommend you start with the ones easiest for you so you can reap the benefits as quickly as possible. Each of these has many benefits beyond stress management and there is much that can be said of them. Years ago, like a couple decades, LOL, I helped with a stop smoking program and these 7 were used successfully in helping people to quit smoking too! Of course number 7 was identify and limit/reduce temptations/triggers but all in all very similar. I do have a free course that covers most of these called Optimal Health, you can <a href="https://www.bodymindhealthcoach.com/programs/optimal-health-your-journey-to-a-long-happy-life" target="_blank">take it here</a>.<br />
<br />
The first one on the list is often reported as mindfulness mediation in most articles on stress but Dr. Nedley and others have reworded this for Christians. And the research backs up prayer as the alternative to mindfulness meditation. Keep in mind this is not the same as the hypnotic meditation one sees in new age religions. It is an active form, where one is aware of what is going on around them. There is plenty of help out there and it's not my forte so I'll leave that to other experts. I'm more familiar with the Christian version. This is more than just prayer. It is a three fold combination: faith/trust in God, self-examination, and prayer.<br />
<br />
Exercise is pretty self-explanatory, but I'd add that getting outside is even better. Any amount will help, but there is a thing as too much which can add stress to the body. If you are unsure, do some research or talk to a fitness expert. In general, the recommendations are 30 to 60 minutes 3 to 5 times per week. More for those with sitting jobs and obviously far less if you are a general laborer. We often know what we need once we are willing to honestly look at it.<br />
Healthy diet includes lots of fruit, veggies, whole grains, nuts, seeds, legumes, and limiting free fats, added sugars, and processed foods.<br />
<br />
CBT, or Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, is well researched and documented to help with stress even that caused by circumstances. It also helps deal with painful emotions. I would say this is by far THE MOST important tip, step, key, or whatever you want to call it. In fact many studies show CBT to be as or even more effective than drugs for depression and anxiety, and far more long lasting because drugs don't cure, they treat the symptoms. Once you learn to use CBT for yourself it lasts a lifetime. Now there are lots of resources out there and it can look pretty easy but there are some very important features that take real work to make practical for yourself, yet reading self help books such as Dr. David Burns, "Feeling Good", have been proven in research to be effective. In fact in one study more effective than taking drugs. Having said that not everyone will find relief reading a book, about 1/3 still needed professional help to really apply the principles of CBT, so no shame in talking to someone about that.<br />
<br />
Rest is another important key in reducing the effects of stress as well as helping you cope better with stressors. Getting a good nights sleep, healthy recreation, and taking time to slow down even for just a few minutes a day are all great starting places.<br />
<br />
Social activity not only helps you work through stressors like grief and loss, or life changing events, good or bad, but helping others is a proven way to improve your health. Volunteering has been shown to add up to 7 years to ones life and improve the overall quality of aging.<br />
<br />
Lastly we have the most obvious of the 7 secrets, identify and reduce stressors. This one will take some introspection and you can combine it with the first one, prayer. Taking a few minutes each day to think about what caused you the most anxiety, worry, frustration, anger, fear, annoyance, feeling overwhelmed, etc. You might even find some things bother you more on certain days. Sometimes we can cope with circumstances better than other times. Keep track. Then are there some you can reduce? Are you spending more than you earn? What is contributing to your time management issues?<br />
<br />
If you want more help with CBT or working out identifying and reducing stressors, join me for a free 15 minute
consultation<br />
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<br />
Sources:<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #303030; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Salleh M. R. (2008). Life event, stress and illness. </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #303030; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">The Malaysian journal of medical sciences : MJMS</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #303030; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">, </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #303030; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">15</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #303030; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">(4), 9–18.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: #303030; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif;">Griffin, R. M. (n.d.). 10 Stress-Related Health Problems That You Can Fix. Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/features/10-fixable-stress-related-health-problems#1</span></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: #303030; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif;">Agnvall, E. (2014, November 01). Stress and Disease - Conditions that May Be Caused by Chronic Stress. Retrieved from https://www.aarp.org/health/healthy-living/info-2014/stress-and-disease.html</span></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: #303030; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif;">Kandola, A. (n.d.). Chronic stress: Symptoms, health effects, and how to manage it. Retrieved from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323324.php</span></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: #303030; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif;">Nordqvist, C. (2017, November 28). Stress: Why does it happen and how can we manage it? Retrieved from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/145855.php</span></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: #303030; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif;">Kandola, A. (n.d.). Why do I keep getting sick? Causes and what to do. Retrieved from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324842.php</span></span></li>
</ul>
Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-5378622900238502712019-04-12T13:57:00.002-06:002020-08-27T09:43:56.810-06:00Stress, Anxiety, and Hidden Emotions<br />
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There’s
been some evidence that hidden emotions are linked to some to anxiety issues. That when we bury, or repress, negative
emotions that can lead to anxiety. And since none of us are immune I
thought I’d share my own story which of course, is still a work in progress.<br />
<br />
I
tend to be able to cope with major life or stressful events fairly easily. I go into a
task oriented mode and deal with the situation clinically. My faith feels strong
and connected with God when it’s a major crisis event. However,
when small things upset me in big ways I feel disconnected, alone, even incompetent.
As I did some soul searching this past year, I discovered some of the reason I have this problem is
a hidden “should statement” in my brain. “I shouldn’t feel this way.” There are
different “reasons” for my believing this statement but usually something like:
“I should be a bigger person”, “I know better”, “Jesus would just forgive them”,
“I should forgive them, I forgiven far worse”, “It’s just a little thing, this
is ridiculous it's upsetting me”, “A nice person wouldn’t be bothered by this”, “I
should just let this go, it’s no big deal”, and so on. I don’t know if any of
these kind of thoughts ring true for you, but they’re pretty common for those
of us with anxiety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The wording may vary
from person to person but the theme is similar.</div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One
little text from a friend or family member can set me into a major tailspin,
while a car crash I’m able to work through without going through any major
anxiety or panic attacks. Then I begin to question my own sanity. “I’m so
stupid. Why is this one little thing bugging me? It’s not the end of the world.”
But still I find myself stressed over that one little sentence. Other thoughts
seep in. In the past family members have been upset with me over what I believe
to be very little things. So upset, in once case I never heard from again even after
writing a few letters. Like things creating big conflict. Things like forgetting
to call before showing up at their home, not keeping in touch often enough (not
that they ever kept in touch), posting a picture on social media, or even
making a pie (long story). So because it’s happened before I’m thinking FOR
sure this is going to happen again. In fact it will likely happen anytime
there’s any conflict. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This
is my hidden emotion, or hidden thought if you will. Fear of abandonment because
I might have said or done something wrong. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my mind I wonder what’s wrong
with me? I do my best but I still screw up. I put energy into being the best I can be but it doesn’t ever
seem to be enough. </span><br />
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now I don’t know about you. but I can see a lot of distortion’s,
exaggerations, or untruthful thinking, just in those few sentences/questions. But
even though I know there’s distortions, and they’re not true, when I’m feeling
anxious I believe them 100%. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Most
of the time we can crush a thought without figuring out why it’s there in the
first place. BUT with hidden emotions we do have to do some digging. While
knowing why we have a particular thought doesn’t usually crush it, we end up in
a loop of thoughts until we draw it out. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We work on surface negative thoughts but they
repeat the next time a stressor comes our way. This is deeper work. Digging down
into our hearts. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One
of the ways to search out a hidden emotion is to recognize patterns between
certain kinds of stressors/events and certain thoughts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another way is to use the “downward arrow” a cognitive technique. And lastly an easy place to start is 'niceness' since, for about 75% of those with anxiety, the most
common hidden emotion is niceness. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, I know ‘niceness’ isn’t really an emotion.
It’s a self-defeating belief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
supposed to be nice (because X) and therefore I can’t be upset, angry, hurt, etc.
That’s the emotion part of it. The anger, hurt, etc. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I encourage you to listen to this podcast by
Dr. Burns about anxiety and hidden emotions: </span><a href="https://feelinggood.com/2017/03/13/027-scared-stiff-the-hidden-emotion-model-part-5/" target="_blank">https://feelinggood.com/2017/03/13/027-scared-stiff-the-hidden-emotion-model-part-5/</a><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
in any case, whatever your hidden emotion/self-defeating belief, to crush the negative thought we may need to use several tools. We need to come up with a positive belief we
can believe 100%. One of those techniques is acceptance. The crazy thing about accepting
a negative belief is you can actually crush it by seeing the value and truth in
it. That may sound really strange, but it actually helps you to positively
reframe it. Let me give you an example. So one of my thoughts regarding my anxiety
when a mistake is pointed out to me is: “It’s not fair. I try really hard to
honour my friends/family’s wishes and when I screw up they shouldn’t be angry
with me. I’m only human.” So let’s break that down. First of all, it hinges on
the fact that nobody should get angry or upset with me, ever. Is that realistic?
What am I asking of those around me if they should never get angry, or hurt, or
upset ever? Is that fair of me to expect that of them? Note this line of
thinking is doesn’t put more blame on me or them. It’s just to see the reality
of the situation as it is. If I screw up and hurt someone they have a right to
get upset, hurt, angry, or even just let me know (they might not be feeling any
of those things, just pointing out something I did). There’s nothing wrong with
that. It doesn’t make them a bad person or me a bad person, we are all human.
We all make mistakes. We all have feelings. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Getting angry isn’t the end of the world, nor
does it necessarily mean the end of a friendship. I don’t need to withdraw just
because I’m afraid of anger. I might not like it, I might feel uncomfortable
about it, I might wish it never happened. Those are acceptable thoughts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Now there
are some truths in my negative thoughts listed above, for example I do try
hard. Here’s one way to refrain this thought. I care a lot about my friendships
in my family and so I try hard to be the best person I can be but sometimes I
screw up and that hurts them. It’s OK for them to express this hurt however it
affects them, whether that is anger or pain, and in it which ever way they want
to communicate that to me. I don’t have to fix the problem in fact many times I
can’t it’s something that can’t be undone.</div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Positive
reframing is only one way to deal with a negative emotion and it works even
better if you can dig deep and find the hidden emotions and self-defeating
believes underlying this anxiety. Unfortunately positive reframing doesn’t work
all the time and sometimes you need other tools where you can talk with someone
else through them. I went through this with a negative thought about being a failure
as a mother. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did some of the CBT tools
by myself which helped quite a bit. But I still had anxiety on and off until I
did a short role-play technique with a peer. That 10 minutes cured months of
anxiety and it’s been gone for a year now. Now we do get relapses, that’s
guaranteed. But we know the tools to use to help squash those painful anxiety
feelings by crushing the negative thoughts. We use the same ones that gave us
the first victory. So if your dealing with anxiety, try the self-help books
they are very powerful (especially “When Panic Attacks” by Dr. David Burns) and
if you still need some support look for someone you can talk to who is willing
to work with you using these tools. You can even find a friend who read the
book as well, and practice together or look for a therapist near you. Let’s
face it we are all defective human beings and it times we need a helping hand.
How critical are you someone else who says they need help? I bet you’re more
critical of yourself. So if it’s OK for some people to get help why not you?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If
you’d like to work with me on an anxiety issue, book </span>a <a href="https://angelapoch.com/free-session.htm" target="_blank">free 15 minute consultation</a> session here.</div><div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-5966451781161880630" style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: arial, tahoma, helvetica, freesans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 586px;">
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Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-46003042579349899202019-03-31T13:28:00.005-06:002019-03-31T13:28:46.368-06:00Faith and Therapy - Is There A Conflict?<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Over
the years I’ve learned I’m not alone. As unusual and unique my situation and my
circumstances, even my thought process at times, when I’ve shared my story I
found others who can resonate with the topic of conversation. So I know there are people out
there who are wondering, how could I ever go to therapy if I’m a Christian or
person of faith? Shouldn’t my faith and scripture be enough? Won't the
therapist just try to make me feel better without me changing the way I’m
supposed to?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Over
the years, as I studied scripture, my faith
has grown and strengthened in different ways. First, I’ve learned my God is so big, so amazing, and so loving, His grace truly is sufficient for me. That
has brought an immense amount of comfort. But there is an opposing force. Satan, the father of lies, will use anything he can to cause suffering, including your religion. I'm borrowing that from Mike Christison, RCC, MACC, <a href="https://feelinggood.com/2018/11/26/116-spirituality-and-psychotherapy-contradictory-or-complimentary/" target="_blank">Here’s a link to the podcast</a> "Spirituality and Psychotherapy: Contradictory or Complementary?" for more on this subject. <o:p></o:p></div>
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There is no conflict between TEAM therapy, or the integrative approach that I use, and faith. In fact, I found much support within the Bible for the concepts and methods we use. Here's some of what I found, granted this is from a Christian perspective. I am by no means trying to alienate other faiths, this is just what I am familiar with. The podcast listed above goes into more detail how those of any faith can benefit from TEAM therapy, and I assure you I would never push my faith in a therapy session EVER!<br />
<br />
With that disclaimer, do we see in the Bible those who had issues with "negative" emotions? Of course. In fact, <span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p>Jesus, our Lord, King, and example, struggled with complex, painful, and conflicting emotions. "My God, My God why have you forsaken me?" So, do you take this Bible verse literally? Do you really believe God forsook Jesus? Or perhaps it just felt that way to Christ in that moment of crisis. If the creator of the universe (John 1:1-states Jesus was the creator) could feel so abandoned why are we so hard on ourselves for feeling badly!!! Job, also had some really painful emotions and he was said to be "a righteous man" by God Himself! </o:p></span>Job 15:11,12 “Is God’s comfort too little for you? Is his gentle word not enough? What has taken away your reason?” <br />
<br />
Reason can go out the window in times of severe stress or emotional crisis, such as King David when we was so ashamed of his sin against Uriah and Bathsheba. 2 Samuel 12:18, “Then on the seventh day the child died. David’s advisers were afraid to tell him. ‘He wouldn’t listen to reason while the child was ill,’” </div>
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That's one of the tools of TEAM therapy, we use reason to get us back on track. This gives us a Biblical foundation for doing cognitive-style therapy (using reason & wisdom) and there is more:</div>
<div class="Subheading">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<br />
<ul>
<li>God commanded us to use reason. Isaiah 1:18,
KJV. “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord:” TEAM uses reason
at it’s core. We are arguing with
distorted, untruthful, or misapplied negative thoughts. Reason is how we defeat those thoughts.</li>
<li>Jesus, our example, used reason. Acts 17:17 ESV.
“So he reasoned in the synagogue with the Jews and the devout persons, and in
the marketplace every day with those who happened to be there.”</li>
<li>Wisdom is open to reason. James 3:17, ESV. “But
the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason,
full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” Wisdom from heaven is “open to reason.” This verse also explores how to reason with
heavenly wisdom. We can have this. God’s
wisdom is first pure, that is there is no fault in it – no distortions. Then
peaceable, gentle, full of mercy, how we reason with others is done warmly with
empathy. It is impartial, no bias, and
it is sincere, we must be genuine.</li>
<li>Thoughts lead to emotions and actions/behaviours
is the core of cognitive therapy and TEAM-CBT. The Bible uses this principle. 1 Peter 1:13, ESV.
“Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your
hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus
Christ.” Prepare your mind, the mind is the starting point. Set your hope, you can choose your emotions
and beliefs. Even for bad habits or things we think we can’t control this
principle applies. We start with our
thoughts. Job 31:1, NIV. “I made a
covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.” Making a
covenant, purposing in ones heart, these are choices.</li>
<li>God’s word can help us examine our thoughts. Hebrews
4:12, ESV. “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any
two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and
of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.</li>
<li>We can’t trust all the thoughts and feelings
that we have because of our sinful nature. Proverbs 28:26, ESV. “Whoever trusts
in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.” Mark
7:21-22, ESV. “For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts,
sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality,
envy, slander, pride, foolishness.” Note: the words heart and mind are used
interchangeable in scripture. In our
culture heart means emotion, but that was not how it was used 1000’s of years
ago. Even still you could argue that still
works, because when we control our thoughts we control our emotions. Romans
8:6, ESV. “For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on
the Spirit is life and peace.” Philippians 2:5, ESV. “Have this mind among
yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus…”</li>
<li>Feelings are not our guide, thoughts must be and
they can be on better things. Proverbs 19:2, ESV. “Desire without knowledge is
not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.” Colossians
3:1-2, ESV. “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are
above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on
things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” We can change our
minds and be a new person. Ephesians 4:23, ESV. “..be renewed in the spirit of
your minds…” 1 Corinthians 2:16, ESV. “For who has understood the mind of the
Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.” </li>
<li>Working on a spiritual level is important. Colossians 3:2 ESV. “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” This verse also can be used as a promise that the thing of this earth don’t need to consume our minds. </li>
</ul>
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There are even Bible verses about negative thoughts that are in line with TEAM therapy (and other therapy models, including CBT, DBT, mindfulness, etc.): <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]-->Negative thoughts seem real. Proverbs 14:12 as
well as Proverbs 16:25, ESV. “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its
end is the way to death.” This verse is almost word for word the same in both
places. Bible writers would repeat things that were of extra importance, thus
we can deduce God is really cautioning us about thinking we know what is right
in absolute terms. Being open to
exploring what we believe is the only safe guard. We can be sure about what we
believe about ourselves, others, or even how we understand the Bible, yet be
wrong. Reason, prayer, surrender, along
with continued study are vital to know truth.
</li>
<li>We can kill our own
happiness by the negative thoughts that we believe. Proverbs 15:26, ESV. “The thoughts of the
wicked are an abomination to the Lord, but gracious words are pure.” Since “all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” we are not excluded from this verse. So, are
you being gracious to yourself, having pure or truthful thoughts?</li>
<li>Bible teaches us to dispute our negative
thoughts. 1 Corinthians 3:18 ESV. “Let no one deceive himself...” 1 John 4:1, ESV. “Beloved, do not believe
every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many
false prophets have gone out into the world.” We can be influence by the
spirits/Angels around us, for good or bad.
We could also view this verse as talking about our own spirit and thoughts. Replace the
word spirit with thought and this is how it reads, Beloved, do not believe
every thought, but test the thoughts to see whether they are from God, for many
false theories have gone out into the world.</li>
</ul>
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<div class="Subheading">
We have permission from scripture to work on our belief system, in TEAM therapy we call it analyzing self-defeating beliefs (REBT and CBT therapists also work on self-defeating beliefs), and there is biblical evidence certain tools can be effective:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
<ul>
<li>Humility is critical. This verse could also be
used to support acceptance. 1 Corinthians 3:18 ESV. “…If anyone among you
thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become
wise.”</li>
<li>God has something better for us than our current
self-defeating beliefs. Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV. “For my thoughts are not your
thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens
are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts
than your thoughts.” Ephesians 5:17, ESV. “Therefore do not be foolish, but
understand what the will of the Lord is.”</li>
<li>Life isn’t fair, but God is. James 1:2, ESV.
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds…” Trials
and challenges shape us, and if we allow it, make us better people. God can turn bad experiences into a positive
outcomes for those that are willing to trust Him. Romans 8:28, NIV. “And we
know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have
been called according to his purpose.” Notice, it doesn’t say all things are
good, or all things work good. There is
a catch to this verse, all things work for the good <i>of those who love him</i>. Love trusts.</li>
<li>Positive reframing and straightforward thinking are tools I use in my sessions with clients. The Bible supports we are to focus on positive thoughts. Philippians 4:8, ESV. “Finally, brothers,
whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if
there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”</li>
<li>Examine the evidence, another tool in the TEAM and other therapy models. Testing thoughts to see if
they are true. Romans 12:2, ESV. “Do not
be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,
that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and
acceptable and perfect.” Acts 17:11,
ESV. “… they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures
daily to see if these things were so.”</li>
</ul>
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That's just the tip of the iceberg so to speak. There is support for us to work through some of the stuff that goes on in our heads. It's ok to get help and support, God understands. In fact, I strongly believe God has given me the tools to do this job. I felt called to become a therapist, so there must be people God has out there that need me to be a therapist. Just seems logical to me.<br />
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Here's a disclaimer that actually ties this all together, or I hope it does. A good therapist from any background is there to be a guide but they are on dangerous ethical ground if they work against your belief system vs your self-defeating beliefs or cognitive distortions (distorted thoughts). Most therapists try to honor their clients without imposing their own ideas. Now, I admit from experience this doesn't always happen, and research shows desire/effort doesn't always equal success. If you feel your therapist seems to be leading you in a direction not congruent with your belief system, OR if your therapist doesn't realize you feel in conflict, it is up to you to tell them how you feel. Also, not every counsellor is a good fit for every client. I'm certainly not perfect, and I am not a good fit for every client either. It's ok to shop around! </div>
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If you do want to give me a try, and you live in Canada, I'd love to talk with you. If you live in the USA, or elsewhere, I offer life coaching which can be quite effective for many life challenges too! <a href="https://angelapoch.com/scheduling.html" target="_blank">Book a free 15 minute consultation</a>, to learn more. </div>
Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-43339771505637718402019-03-17T11:14:00.002-06:002020-08-27T09:53:55.545-06:00How I Recovered From Depression<br />
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Depression affects more than 300 million people worldwide*. The World Health Organization states, "Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide, and is a major contributor to the overall global burden of disease."* Some stats report up to 15% of people will experience major depression (who know how many will have to deal with mild or moderate symptoms).**<br />
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But beyond statistics, it gets personal when it’s a dear friend, close family member, or even closer to home, yourself. I’ve certainly not come away unscathed. Several years back I was diagnosed with depression and given some antidepressants. But what really helped me to completely heal was an integrative approach. The program I went through was called the Depression Recovery Program by Dr. Neil Nedley. This program has since been renamed The Depression and Anxiety Recovery program because it works for both. This integrative approach aims to eliminate or reduce the risk factors for depression as far as possible. Those risk factors according to Dr. Nedley's research include***:<br />
<ul>
<li>genetics</li>
<li>certain events during upbringing</li>
<li>nutrition (lack of certain nutrients or too much of others)</li>
<li>certain lifestyle choices (such as not enough activity)</li>
<li>frontal lobe function </li>
<li>toxins (certain heavy metals)</li>
<li>social support</li>
<li>addictions</li>
<li>medical conditions such as diabetes</li>
<li>interrupted circadian rhythm</li>
</ul>
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Some of these you can’t do anything about now, such as your genetics or childhood development. (although you could make a difference in future generations). But the good news is Dr. Nedley found that you usually had to have four "hits" to get depression. That means even if you had the genetic marker and a rotten child hood you could still work on the other eight hit categories of risk factors to prevent or reverse depression. Note: there are several individual items within each of these risk factor categories, but he found that that did not increase your likelihood of having depression. Another words, if you had 2 addictions and 2 nutrition issues that wouldn’t necessarily give you depression.<br />
<br />
This makes a lot of sense because when researchers try to isolate and study, say tryptophan, they find it has an impact on depression but not everyone with a tryptophan deficiency has depression. Dr. Nedley's approach is a more accurate way to work toward healing depression because it's covering a multitude of risk factors. His 10 category "hit" model has been researched and given an 84% sensitivity rate (research speak for a form of accuracy).<br />
<br />
And he has been very successful with using this category approach in practical programs. In one study, after only 8 weeks on the program (done by video, workbook, and small group classes once a week), 57.6% (2754 participants) did not qualify as depressed. Keep in mind, the whole program is 12 weeks, and many participants do not work the program but only watch the videos. I would love to see the numbers from this study on those who actually do the program. In my limited experience (and other director's I've been in contact with) it's been close to 99% for those that do the whole program, and this is substantiated by the 99% success rate of those that attend the live in program*****. Anyway I don’t want this to be an advertisement, I just wanted to set the foundation for my experience and why I believe so strongly in an integrative approach.<br />
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Dr. David Burns, who uses cognitive behaviour therapy along with other powerful tools he has developed also has an incredibly far above average success rate. I believe one of the reasons Dr. Burns model is so successful is because the power of the mind is incredible in healing the body. Also when doing this kind of cognitive behaviour therapy (more advanced than standard CBT) you really are working on several of the risk categories identified by Dr. Nedley such as social, lifestyle, frontal lobe, addiction, and even developmental, in as far as how you perceive its effects on you now.<br />
<br />
Back to my story. I found the medication my doctor prescribed gave me the ability to complete Dr. Nedley's program, and work through the Feeling Good book, which shows medication can have a place in this process. To date, I haven’t needed medication since, and that was over 12 years ago. Yes, part of Dr. Nedley’s program is using cognitive behavior therapy. In fact, in the original program that I took, we used Dr. Burns book "Feeling Good". That’s how I learned about Dr. Burns and eventually TEAM therapy.<br />
<br />
But it wasn’t just me, it helped two of my friends and my husband, who took the program with me (we used the in home video program). All four of us recovered from depression within the 12 week program time frame. I went on to become a director and facilitator and found those who stuck with the program had a full recovery from depression. As a bonus we had participants also do better with their diabetes and heart disease. Their doctors even had to reduced their medications just 6 weeks in.<br />
<br />
So, while integrative approach is a lot of work, it also improves other aspects of your life. Because you’re not just going to feel better emotionally but also physically. And this means you’re around longer to be with your kids and grandkids. You have more vitality and energy to do the things you would like to do as you age. And if you’re younger, you can help to avoid those top five fatal diseases in Western society that are often preventable****.<br />
<br />
So whether you are interesting in learning more about the integrative approach or simply working on your thinking process and emotional health, I’m happy to help you either way. I don’t have a burden to pressure you with what helped me because we all are different and only you can choose what's right for you. I just wanted to share part of my story so you can see there is light at the end of the dark depression tunnel and I understand what it's like to be in that dark place where hope is bleak. Book a <a href="https://angelapoch.com" target="_blank">free 15 minute consultation</a> with me to learn more how we can work toward a brighter future.<br />
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PS: If you are dealing with depression, whether or not you want to work with someone to get help, I encourage you to start with getting Dr. Burns book "Feeling Good", usually under $10, and found in almost any book store in North America or internationally on Amazon in several languages (I checked, it's available in the UK, USA, Canada, Australia, China, France, Germany, and India just to name a few). 2/3 of patients on a waiting list for therapy found they had symptom improvement from depression just from reading this book.<br />
<br />
PPS: If you’re feeling like life is not worth living and you’d rather not even be here please contact: </div>
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<b><span style="color: blue;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></span></b>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Crisis Line for Canada toll free 24/7: </b></span><span style="color: blue;"><b>1-833-456-4566 Or chat or text </b></span><b style="color: #0000ee;"><u><a href="http://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/">www.crisisservicescanada.ca/</a></u></b><br />
<span style="color: #0000ee;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span>
<b><span style="color: blue;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">National Suicide Prevention Hotline for USA: 1-800-273-8255 OR you can chat with them and other resources online visit <a href="https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/" target="_blank">suicidepreventionlifeline.org</a><br /> </span></span></b>
<br />
<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b><span style="color: blue;">For International Crisis lines: <a href="https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/crisis-centres/international-crisis-centres/">thelifelinecanada.ca/help/crisis-centres/international-crisis-centres/</a></span></b></span><br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Sources:</i></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* </span><span face="" style="background-color: #eeeeee; color: #323232; text-indent: -22px;">“Depression.” </span><i style="background-color: #eeeeee; box-sizing: border-box; color: #323232; font-family: "times new roman", georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; text-indent: -22px;">World Health Organization</i><span face="" style="background-color: #eeeeee; color: #323232; text-indent: -22px;">, World Health Organization, www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/depression.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">** </span><span face="" style="background-color: #eeeeee; color: #323232; text-indent: -22px;">Morin, Amy, and Lcsw. “How Many People Are Actually Affected by Depression Every Year?” </span><i style="background-color: #eeeeee; box-sizing: border-box; color: #323232; font-family: "times new roman", georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; text-indent: -22px;">Verywell Mind</i><span face="" style="background-color: #eeeeee; color: #323232; text-indent: -22px;">, www.verywellmind.com/depression-statistics-everyone-should-know-4159056.</span></div>
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*** <span face="" style="background-color: #eeeeee; color: #323232; text-indent: -22px;">Nedley, Neil, and Francisco E Ramirez. “Nedley Depression Hit Hypothesis: Identifying Depression and Its Causes.” </span><i style="background-color: #eeeeee; box-sizing: border-box; color: #323232; font-family: "times new roman", georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; text-indent: -22px;">American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine</i><span face="" style="background-color: #eeeeee; color: #323232; text-indent: -22px;">, SAGE Publications, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5103329/.</span></div>
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**** <span face="" style="background-color: #eeeeee; color: #323232; text-indent: -22px;">“The Top 10 Deadliest Diseases in the World.” </span><i style="background-color: #eeeeee; box-sizing: border-box; color: #323232; font-family: "times new roman", georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; text-indent: -22px;">Healthline</i><span face="" style="background-color: #eeeeee; color: #323232; text-indent: -22px;">, Healthline Media, www.healthline.com/health/top-10-deadliest-diseases.</span></div>
***** <span face="" style="background-color: #eeeeee; color: #323232; text-indent: -22px;">Carney, Linda, MD. "Nedley Depression Recovery Program" <i>DrCarney.com Blog, </i>June 2, 2016 https://www.drcarney.com/blog/entry/nedley-depression-recovery-program. </span> Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-33548826015244018222019-03-04T08:57:00.001-07:002019-03-21T12:22:26.673-06:00How to be miserable, stay grumpy, and suffer more.<br />
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OK have I got your attention? Sometimes we need to look at a problem from a completely
new look. The title is a bit tongue-in-cheek, but what IF we were to explore a
course that taught us how to suffer more and be grumpy. What would that look
like?<br />
<br />
<i>Amendment: So
I’ve had some really positive comments on this article in another forum. But
I also had a really important constructive criticism so I'm adding 3 key points to remember as you read it. </i><br />
<i>1. This article is intended
for the reader themself, not to be used as a tool to criticize other people for being
critical. </i><br />
<i>2. There’s something called logic fallacies. One of those is
when the opposite of a fact is also a fact. This is often not the case in reality. Example; Fact: carnivores have canine teeth. But the reverse is not true. Thus having
canine teeth does not make something a carnivore. For example gorillas and
camels among others, have canines and they are herbivores.</i><br />
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<i><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>3, Just because something is a risk factor does NOT make it a
cause. Example: "</i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times new roman" , "stixgeneral" , serif; font-size: 15.9991px;"><i>Moderate alcohol consumption has been linked to an approximate 30-50% increased risk in breast cancer."</i></span><i>* But the alcohol does not cause breast
cancer. Nor is it valid or helpful to blame women with breast cancer for
drinking a glass of wine at their meal.</i></div>
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<i>4. Poor health and disruption in happiness is not our fault because we are not "positive" enough. There is an unfair system (sin) at place in our world, where often the person who is hurting has to do work to alleviate their own suffering even though it may not be their fault they are hurting in the first place. Life can suck, but it doesn't have to stay that way.</i></div>
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<i>5. My humorous look, intentionally overgeneralized, at some tools for cognitive behaviour therapy are not to be
taken as rooted in some kind of all or nothing factual science. In fact doing
so is a distortion in and of itself. </i><i>My intention in this article is to look at oneself from a different perspective using humour, because humour can often be quite therapeutic when doing self reflection. We can be pretty hard on ourselves and I was hoping to alleviate some of that pressure by getting you to laugh at some of the mistakes that you might be making. But in no way would I want to shame anyone who is struggling with a critical attitude or denial or any of those things, in fact others may think you are being critical when you are just being honest. That is there misunderstanding not a reflection on your character. I myself have struggled with many of the items in the follow list. I think that’s why I found it so relevant to me personally and why found so much humour in it.</i></div>
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<o:p><i> </i></o:p><i> </i></div>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
The first step in being miserable would be to be, stay in denial. </span>Why? Well, if you’re denying it you
don’t have to deal with it. Denial a way of enabling you to continue to feel
miserable when the event is already passed. You can deny that it’s over and
relish in your depressed, angry, frustrated state. Next
step, hold it all in. Certainly don’t share what you’re thinking and feeling
with anyone else. After all they can’t help you. They’ll probably just say what
you’re going through isn’t even relevant. At the very least, they’re going to
minimize it and try, or worse yet try to fix it for you. <br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If
you can’t hold it in, then complain. Complaining is a great way to stay grumpy.
After all you’re just telling people the truth. I mean isn’t honesty the best
policy? In fact, I highly recommend journaling. List all the problems you’re
having and how miserable each one makes you feel. That way whenever you get a
little too positive or happy, you can go back and rehash old grudges. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mope.
Moping lets the body know the correct position to be in when you’re feeling terrible.
There’s nothing worse than a hypocrite, like someone smiling when they’re
miserable inside. So it’s much better to mope because you’re being honest with the
world around you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Notice
honesty has come up a few times. Being right is the best way to keep your
relationships on the rocks and protect you from being vulnerable. After all
when your always right it’s really hard for other people to live up to your
expectations and that can increase your suffering tremendously. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Blame
yourself and others. A good place to start is blaming others, that’s usually
easier than blaming yourself. Well it does depend on your personality, and
either one works pretty good. Blaming others takes all the responsibility off
your shoulders, and since you’re not responsible you can’t fix it. Blaming
others takes the pressure off you from having to make yourself miserable
because people often hurt us and do us wrong. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember since you are right, they must be
wrong. That’s just logical.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Of
course if you have a hard time blaming others, then you can always turn to
blaming yourself. This is also quite effective because it acknowledges the fact
that you’re an idiot, a failure, and since you are those things there’s no
point in trying to fix anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
just who you are and this will just continue to go on forever. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Minimize
the positive. Those happy thoughts thinkers with all their foo foo fluff just
don’t know reality. If you minimize positive things that you or others do, it
helps put everything more in context of reality. It certainly won’t last. Nothing
good lasts forever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Accentuate
the negative. You could even exaggerate a little bit. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean come on, realistically who doesn’t get
that when you’re feeling miserable and grumpy, exaggeration is probably more truthful
than saying it exactly the way it is. Here’s and example, I’ve got such a
headache feel like my heads going to explode. I mean it’s not really going to
explode, but you’ve got articulate it well so people get how you’re feeling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Trust
your emotions. Oh this is a good one. Your emotions are really going to tell
you how you should be feeling and thinking. Just go with your gut, go with your
heart, that’ll really stop all your positive thinking. I mean if you feel
miserable you must be miserable. If you’re feeling lonely you must be alone. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can’t trust that someone sitting beside
you is really going to be there for you. I mean obviously they’re not doing
enough to make you feel part of the group. Oh I guess I’m combining blame here.
Well that’s great to show you can combine several of these to make them far
more effective in staying miserable. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Remember,
if it’s ever happened once, somewhere, to someone, it can happen to you. That’s
right if it’s possible it’s probable. There’s at least one person out there who
got run over by a truck while sitting in their living room. You should worry
about that every time you sit down to enjoy watching some TV. I mean sure,
they’d have to drive on the sidewalk, across the lawn, and through the house wall,
but it’s possible right? And I mean if we’re going to be positive, we need to
be positive that the possible can happen. That leads me to the next one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If
it’s happened before it’s going to happen again. If you found a hair in your
food three times in a row, then you can certainly conclude every time you eat
out there will be a hair in it. This is a good one to combine with our last one
“if it’s possible it’s probable”. After all if bacteria can be on hair, and you
found hair in your food three times, you better watch out for flesh eating
bacteria in your burger. This tip can add much anxiety to your miserable
grumpiness which is a bonus.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Label
everything. Now I don’t mean with stickers. Of course you could do that which
would take up time and anything that waste your time helps to make you
miserable because you’ve wasted time. But what I’m talking here is labelling
people or yourself. You see when you label something it really encapsulates
what it is at its core. I mean someone didn’t just spilled the milk they are a
slob. You didn’t just fail the one test, you are an absolute failure. See how
much worse that sounds, there’s great material here for feeling miserable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
think those tips should really help you to suffer and stay miserable. But if
this course really wasn’t right for you then might I suggest the reverse of
these? I also recommend reading Dr. David Burn’s best selling book, “Feeling Good” or <a href="https://feelinggood.com/category/dr-davids-blogs/feeling-good-podcast/" target="_blank">listen to his podcasts</a>. But
I warn you that won’t do much to help you feel grumpy.</span><br />
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">OR Get our <a href="http://www.angelapoch.com/" target="_blank">NEW e-book "The Truth Shall Set You Free" - click here!</a></span><br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi25gketr-R1A_8kqHAWSMAcu8i1843_9V4zm2O8JUK1nyj5OKtaa0ry_3iITFXM1khSXDm9dYUoa1OZY2GCn0u-WJy3Gm1fLlyYVx0xCWhk30H7500Dtiec8eqXEp4LYrzcr0nQjp0-Ac/s400/ebook-truth--175px.png" /><a href="https://angelapoch.com/" target="_blank">https://angelapoch.com/</a><br />
<br />
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* <span style="background-color: #ffe7af; color: #323232; font-family: "times new roman" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 16px; text-indent: -22px;">McDonald, Jasmine A, et al. “Alcohol Intake and Breast Cancer Risk: Weighing the Overall Evidence.” </span><i style="background-color: #ffe7af; box-sizing: border-box; color: #323232; font-family: "Times New Roman", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; text-indent: -22px;">Current Breast Cancer Reports</i><span style="background-color: #ffe7af; color: #323232; font-family: "times new roman" , "georgia" , serif; font-size: 16px; text-indent: -22px;">, U.S. National Library of Medicine, Sept. 2013, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3832299/.</span></div>
<br />Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-83585702808549517082019-02-26T15:34:00.001-07:002019-03-21T12:16:10.030-06:00Insomnia driving you crazy? Tips on getting better night’s sleep and the connection to mental health.<br />
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<img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjskY8zyVf31tkWcze-fXobMS0C7eCBYYtFfsgy0Fvbrd-W5azWwn5rDM62dpBNhIxujA71IetFcM7HVuOqiOPyuxzi_nDDib9sYBq6GAv_zdL2RaB6pKoDR7PR1b1nB-ZEf-P_EzcILLI/s320/insomnia-crazy-600px.jpg" width="320" /></div>
Type
the words “sleep & mental health” into Google and you’ll get article after
article from reputable sources relating how important sleep is to our mental
well-being. From medical journals to blogs by psychologists, the
interconnection between body and mind play out very closely when it comes to
sleep and poor mental health.<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">While the studies of neurochemistry and neuroscience
are still in infancy, researchers are discovering some very real connections
between sleep and mental stability, or lack thereof. “There are some studies in
both children and adults are suggesting that a lack of proper sleep may raise
risk for, an even directly contribute to some psychiatric disorders And that
treating the sleep disorder may actually help alleviate symptoms of the mental
health problems caused by that sleep disturbance”. (Harvard Health 2009)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Depression, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar, Schizophrenia, PTSD, and psychosis, just to name a few, are disorders that have been studied in relation to sleep. Up to 80% of the people who have
these disorders also have sleep problems and while it’s been long thought there
was some kind of correlation, now scientists are starting to see an actual
causal relationship. That means lack of sleep is actually contributing to the
disorder itself. (Scott 2017) Just one statistic reports, people with insomnia
are twice as likely to develop depression as those who sleep normally. (Khawja MD
2017) This is it to say sleep alone will cure all these diseases, but the more we
can make a positive choice, the more we get a handle on each aspect of health, the
more we can improve both our physical and mental health.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
what constitutes a good night's sleep? Is there a set number of hours you should
sleep? What time is best? How do you get a good quality of sleep? The answers
to all these questions are important so let’s dive into each one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A good night's sleep is one where you fall asleep within 30 minutes of going to bed, don't wake more than a couple times during the night,</span> more than 20 minutes awake during those periods of time, you spend 85% or more of time asleep while in bed, you don't need an alarm to wake you up, and you feel rested in the morning. </div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Most sleep experts agree 7 to 8 hours is the optimal amount of time for a good night's sleep. It is true some people seem fine, even appear to thrive on, under 7 hours on the pillow. I've know a gentleman who slept less than 4 hours per night most of his life and he had so much energy he thought it was ok. Turn out he was bi-polar and sadly he ended up drying of suicide in his 60's. Let this be a warning, you can't judge your sleep only by how much or little energy you have. This can be a dangerous road. People think they are the exception to the rule until poor health sets in and it's too late. Too much sleep can be indicative of a health issue was well. Generally over 9 hours on a regular bases is cause for concern. Talk to your doctor if either of these apply to you. </span></div>
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I know some of you night owls will disagree with this next one, but studies confirm it's best to get to bed between 8pm and midnight depending on time of the year, where you live, and other factors. Most people have a spike in melatonin around 9pm, which is the hormone to help you sleep deep and to repair your body.</div>
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So how do you get the best quality of sleep? Develop a healthy bedtime route. Routines help our bodies maintain a systematic circadian rhythm enabling good sleep cycles. Go to bed at the same time each night, get up the same time each morning, limit caffeine throughout the day, don't eat a large meal at least 4 hours before bed, have a relaxing routine 1 hour before bedtime, limit screen time 1 to 2 hours before bed (blue light affects sleep), keep the room dark as possible, leave electronics out of the bedroom, and don't do anything but sleep in bed (well, there is one other thing you can do but no reading in bed, texting, etc.). The mind and body are habitual. If you only sleep in bed it becomes a trigger to sleep just by laying there.</div>
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If you'd like to know how you are sleeping visit: <a href="http://www.higherpath.ca/sleep.htm" target="_blank">www.higherpath.ca/sleep</a> for a free assessment and hand out on sleep.</div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">References:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-size: 10pt; text-indent: -16.5pt;">“</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;"><span style="color: #323232; text-indent: -16.5pt;">Understanding Sleep.” </span><i style="color: #323232; text-indent: -16.5pt;">Mental Health Canada</i><span style="color: #323232; text-indent: -16.5pt;">,
www.mentalhealthcanada.com/article_detail.asp?lang=e&id=28.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">Allen, Lauren. “How Sleep Affects Mental Health |
Effects of Poor Sleep on Anxiety, Depression, & ADHD.” </span><i style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">Neurocore</i><span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">,
Neurocore, 12 July 2018, www.neurocorecenters.com/blog/how-sleep-affects-mental-health.</span><br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">Breus, Michael. “Sleep and Mental
Health Disorders.” </span><i style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">Psych Central</i><span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">, Psych Central.com, 8 Oct. 2018,
psychcentral.com/lib/sleep-and-mental-health-disorders/.</span><br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">Scott, Alexandar J, et al. “Does Improving Sleep
Lead to Better Mental Health? A Protocol for a Meta-Analytic Review of
Randomised Controlled Trials.” </span><i style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">NCBI</i><span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">, 18 Sept. 2017,
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5623526/.</span><br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">Harvard Health Publishing. “Sleep and Mental
Health.” </span><i style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">Harvard Health Blog</i><span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">, Harvard Health Publishing, July 2009,
www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/sleep-and-mental-health.</span><br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">Updated: June 19, 2018</span><br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">Curtin, Cathryn. SHFAustralia. “Sleep and Mental
Health.” </span><i style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">The Sleep Health Foundation</i><span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">, www.sleephealthfoundation.org.au/news/sleep-blog/sleep-and-mental-health.html.</span><br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">Khawaja, Imran, S, M.D. “Sleep Disorders and Mental
Illness Go Hand in Hand.” </span><i style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">UTSouthwestern Medical Center</i><span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">,
utswmed.org/medblog/sleep-disorders-mental-illness/.</span><br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">“Sleep Disorders, Depression, Schizophrenia -- How
They're Related.” </span><i style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small; text-indent: -16.5pt;">WebMD</i><span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">, WebMD,
www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/guide/psychiatric-disorders.</span><br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">“Sleep Matters: The Impact Of Sleep On Health And
Wellbeing.” </span><i style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Mental Health Foundation</i><span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">, 17 Jan. 2016,
www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/sleep-report.</span><br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">“Find Out Your Best Hours for Sleep Based on Your Biology and Your Life.” </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Sleep.Org</i><span style="color: #323232; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">, Sleep.Org, www.sleep.org/articles/best-hours-sleep/.</span></div>
<br />Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-55267366271948143432019-02-17T11:31:00.004-07:002019-03-21T12:06:15.975-06:00Body, Mind & Soul An Integrative Approach<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7hzS2dCnMwRnsHWu54l4UGo-LsIdB-ykpLc3BD683IYcIydsty3e4QRA_hWYn0oUgIyT8tlnX4FRdp5DdRW3naizHU_Nsm2IUvGavYJXQv1t6DkqhuaWScOg3_5yNFENvteC_ju7G9G4/s1600/01-logo-600px+-+Copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7hzS2dCnMwRnsHWu54l4UGo-LsIdB-ykpLc3BD683IYcIydsty3e4QRA_hWYn0oUgIyT8tlnX4FRdp5DdRW3naizHU_Nsm2IUvGavYJXQv1t6DkqhuaWScOg3_5yNFENvteC_ju7G9G4/s320/01-logo-600px+-+Copy.jpg" width="320" /></a>S<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">o I
thought today I would talk a bit about why I believe in an integrative approach of body, mind,
and soul. And why I follow a plant-based diet as well as other lifestyle choices. </span><br />
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Since science can’t really articulate the separation of the physical
brain and emotions/thoughts, this will be a little bit philosophical. We all
have our different views that come from a combination of things we’ve read from
science or the Bible or even social media posts. And while I could document the sources where I get my ideas from, the reality is, I cannot prove it and my goal is not to convince you of my believe but rather to understand a little bit more about why I do what I do. So, I hope you will read all the way through this article with that in mind.</div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You may have heard me say body mind health, or body mind and soul, or integrative approach, or various combinations of these. Certainly it's in the name of my blog, website and facebook pages. LOL. Obviously, when I
say 'body,' I’m referring to your physical body. Mind refers your thoughts and feelings and soul is the
essence of who you are or your personality. </span></div>
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You
might be with me so far, or not, but I’m not sure you’ll be on board with my next belief
which is that not only our minds, but our souls are also intricately linked to our physical
brain. One of the evidence is for this is Phineas Gauge who had an abrupt
personality change when a tamping bar went through his frontal lobe. There’s
actually many more stories of people who had brain injuries or disease, and had personality
changes, emotional problems, or even the way they think changed. Unlike alzheimer's, some dementia
patient's family members will tell you this is NOT the person they remember. So we
know that physical disease and injury to the brain do you change thoughts and
emotions in a person, and even their personality. As a Christian I believe the breath of life comes from God, as mentioned in Genesis and in the New Testament, and goes back to God when we die. I just don’t believe that the soul and the breath of life are the same thing. I don’t think that your soul lives on without a body. I actually have a Bible study on this if you like and <a href="http://biblehealth4u.com/bible-studies/bible-11-death.html" target="_blank">you can get that here</a>. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in heaven and life after death, just not life immediately after death, I believe in the resurrection <a href="https://www.bibleinfo.com/en/topics/resurrection" target="_blank">John 5:28</a>. </div>
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You might have different definitions for these words, or beliefs, and that’s absolutely fine. I do know many things that affect one affects the other. Having a doctrinal difference won’t affect how we work together, it only explains why the body, and specifically the brain, is so important to protect. Because whether you believe the soul is a separate entity from your body or not, we can agree the mind is affected by physical health, and that one can no longer make good decisions if they get a stroke from a poor lifestyle. Our brain's can't function properly without our whole bodies working in good order. We need proper nutrition for the chemical messengers in our brains, we need exercise for circulation and delivery of these, and so much more. We’ve seen this in science many times. We know that extreme lack of sleep can cause emotional problems such as irritability and poor cognitive function. Likewise we know certain thoughts can actually reduce physical pain, reducing emotional stress can lower your risk of cancer and heart disease, and many other interconnections.<br />
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A plant based diet is one of the best ways to get on the road to optimal health. The blue zones are centuries of proof that eating lots of plant foods and limited sugar, added fat, and animal products, is the most healthy way to eat. There are hundreds of studies and books in modern research to back this up. And even some of those following a keto or low card diet believe this so much they endeavor to be vegan or close to it, which is not easy to do, but is possible. </div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
think in general people forget how important their overall health is to their emotional happiness. Of course I totally believe in any state of health you can have peace and
even happiness. And I do believe that we can’t always determine how healthy
will be by our choices. I realize there are other factors that influence our
health such as DNA, environmental factors, and other
unknowns </span>out of our control. Let’s
do what we can, when we can, is my philosophy. This is why I choose to walk with you
on <i>your </i>journey, rather than
dragging you along on <i>mine</i>.</div>
Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-56907282922571861672019-02-07T09:05:00.003-07:002019-03-21T12:06:44.935-06:00Desiring to change & choosing to change!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLZg-828cNa3aw0zb2o8j1ySXPyXTOJ5x59mYoBW5k2fgG_ehmoO4kc3hoUFc0mAhr-m7rtfVcDVJrg63Ja7U6OX6d_Q4H80mK9Ft2ZS5nCNQ4zEP35cD2Le1ImKzp8_GeoBmW1LWYx0A/s1600/choices-400px.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLZg-828cNa3aw0zb2o8j1ySXPyXTOJ5x59mYoBW5k2fgG_ehmoO4kc3hoUFc0mAhr-m7rtfVcDVJrg63Ja7U6OX6d_Q4H80mK9Ft2ZS5nCNQ4zEP35cD2Le1ImKzp8_GeoBmW1LWYx0A/s320/choices-400px.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A couple weeks ago we talked about desire doesn't equal change in the article "<a href="https://bodymindhealthcoach.blogspot.com/2019/01/empathy-is-not-responsibility.html" target="_blank">Empathy is Not Responsibility</a>". I thought I’d talk more
about that this week. </span>Wanting
to change and changing obviously are not the same thing, because when you
actually change there is some kind of difference that happens. Now, sometimes we say, “I’m trying to ...” like "I’m trying to lose weight," but
really what we’re saying is we would <i>like</i> to lose weight. We say "I’m trying" because maybe you’ve attempted a few efforts in that direction
but the actual change has not happened yet. The problem is, every time we say
something out loud, or even in our heads, we believe it and that can set ourselves up for failure. We start to think we've put in so much effort to this change and we’ve tried for so long to do this
thing, that we feel like it’s never going to happen. </div>
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It’s
just too hard. I've tried and tried. I often hear this from people who are struggling to break free from a bad habit
or an addiction or those who desire to start a new healthy life choice. Eating better, eating
less, exercising, getting more sleep, quit smoking, the list goes on. Some of
these issues are quite comprehensive and they can look insurmountable as goals, we
really don’t know where to start when we just look at the big picture and think I would like this. But if we were to break them down to smaller goals, that were
simple and pretty easy to attain, it would be easier to make the change. Maybe we’ll talk more
about goals next week, but for now will continue on this theme of desire and trying.</div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One of the keys to going from desire to change, is figuring out where you’re at right now.
What is it about the state you’re in that makes you want to stay there?
What are some positive aspects about your situation right now that you wouldn’t
want to change? Let’s take my example of trying to lose weight. Well, first of
all, it requires me to set aside more time for exercising and creating
healthier meals. Time is a pretty precious commodity and I’d have to give up
something else I’m doing, like cleaning my house, sorting through books, organizing photos on my computer, and so on. Note, these are all important things and they mean a
lot to me. Some of them are I would even say are necessary. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What do those things say about me? I like to be organized, is that a good thing? I need to keep stress down for my health and these things help me do that, Isn't that good? I could make a really long list here. Do you have any suggestions? I'd love to here them in the comments section. The more you participate the more relevant and helpful you'll find this. </span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now, let's also look at what does it say about me that losing weight is really not that important to me (since I haven't done it yet, it must not be THAT important)? I’m not as worried about self image as I am keep my life organized.
That’s a pretty good character trait to have. Again, I wonder if you could come up
with some ideas of your own (put them in the comments)? </span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What is it that you would like to change and why
would making a change be a problem for you? What positive thing does it say about you? These idea were inspired by Dr. David Burns concept of
paradoxical agenda setting. That we really have to find the positive things
about ourselves even for the negative things that we have decided we’d like to
change.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let’s
do one more example. Let’s say you don’t get
enough sleep because you don't get to bed on time. A VERY common problem for many of my clients.
Notice I just made something general, not getting enough sleep, to something
specific, not getting to bed on time. Being specific makes it easier to break
down so we will get even more specific. Why aren’t you getting to bed on time?
Perhaps because you’re visiting with friends on social media or the phone, you are enjoying
a movie, you’re finishing chores it didn’t get done, maybe that’s when a
particular family member calls you. Each of these I’ll say something positive
about you. For example visiting with friends isn’t a bad thing. We all need
social interaction and it shows you care about others. Isn’t it good to care
about others? Of course. Enjoying a movie, well this is you know how to take a
break and it shows you’re not afraid to relax. Isn’t that a good thing? I’ll leave
the others for you to ponder. And this will work much better if you can list
your own. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Once
you see the benefits of not changing AND the positive things this says about you, it actually helps you to see it from a new perspective. That you are not a BAD person for not changing...yet, LOL. It even helps you see ways you
can change and still keep all the benefits you currently have. </span></div>
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The reason we don’t
change is ultimately because there’s something positive holding us back from
making the choice. Discovering what that is will be far more effective than
forcing or punishing yourself. The effort is not correctly directed. A wise
writer once said we need to understand the right use of the will (<i>Steps to Christ</i> by Ellen White). In other
words we don’t need more willpower, instead we need to make the right choice, and the
only way to know what that choice is, is to fully investigate in our own minds with
a neutral, non-judgemental attitude, and discover where we are at right now and how is that benefiting our lives.</div>
Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-13020929047452159352019-02-01T08:23:00.000-07:002019-03-21T12:07:24.256-06:00Lower Your Risk of Disease with Life Purpose<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrjjPPW7RXGLvYrfmWhKLRBIlWvm0M83QLeTtVmBKZ5bSJg-0fVAczrrftyQA7Zn8T20DKquPyAXu6CCzGkDSNTSvKky3tOZi70BugqeuOHARU4WLKHQWeE7cT07WYxxNLim-QWDSiKi8/s1600/life-purpose.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrjjPPW7RXGLvYrfmWhKLRBIlWvm0M83QLeTtVmBKZ5bSJg-0fVAczrrftyQA7Zn8T20DKquPyAXu6CCzGkDSNTSvKky3tOZi70BugqeuOHARU4WLKHQWeE7cT07WYxxNLim-QWDSiKi8/s320/life-purpose.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/scheduling.html" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>Life purpose may seem like a vague concept that has little meaning or value, but research is showing it does have a real impact on health.<br />
<br />
One analysis of over 130,000 participants over 10 studies found: "The analysis showed a lower risk of death for participants with a high sense of purpose in life. After adjusting for other factors, mortality was about one-fifth lower for participants reporting a strong sense of purpose, or ikigai. A high sense of purpose in life was also related to a lower risk of cardiovascular events. Both associations remained significant on analysis of various subgroups, including country, how purpose in life was measured, and whether the studies included participants with pre-existing cardiovascular disease." “'Purpose in life' linked to lower mortality and cardiovascular risk.” <em>Medical News Today</em>, MediLexicon International, 4 Dec. 2015, www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/303569.php, retrieved 2017-10-19.<br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/scheduling.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/scheduling.html" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>So what ikigai? Its a Japanese saying for a life worth living or a reason for being. Life purpose can also be described as being useful to someone else. We talk about volunteering and how that has been shown to increase your life expectancy by up to 7 years in our <a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.bodymindhealthcoach.com/programs/optimal-health-your-journey-to-a-long-happy-life" href="https://www.bodymindhealthcoach.com/programs/optimal-health-your-journey-to-a-long-happy-life" target="_blank">Optimal Health</a> course, which I'm sure you've taken by now, so I won't belabor the point.<br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/scheduling.html" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>Life purpose can even help improve the quality of sleep and is being research as a drug free way to help with sleep issues. Prof. Jason Ong, Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine stated, "Helping people cultivate a purpose in life could be an effective drug-free strategy to improve sleep quality, particularly for a population that is facing more <a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/9155.php" href="https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/9155.php" title="Insomnia: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatments">insomnia</a>. Purpose in life is something that can be cultivated and enhanced through mindfulness therapies." “'Purpose in life' linked to lower mortality and cardiovascular risk.” <em>Medical News Today</em>, MediLexicon International, 4 Dec. 2015, www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/303569.php.<br />
<br />
So how do you find your life purpose? It starts with discovering more about yourself and what you enjoy. What motivates you? What brings you joy? And if you want to go even deeper, you can use your life purpose as a career. We have a step by step plan to help you discover your life purpose, book a free 15 minute consultation today! Limited seats available.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAd9cc7p3LGtGU4MAdezZrCU8ue5_wvhv5Iq-UnW5Qr0EqMewAqTE9MjDJzWTLxzSlLYxFoghQG8cVfM4xMHhVwBM81tYRAfStSwYeRRhOlMcbkG_Ifco4YqUwbHiwnHEFuaxs_FbIxeY/s1600/arrow-right.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAd9cc7p3LGtGU4MAdezZrCU8ue5_wvhv5Iq-UnW5Qr0EqMewAqTE9MjDJzWTLxzSlLYxFoghQG8cVfM4xMHhVwBM81tYRAfStSwYeRRhOlMcbkG_Ifco4YqUwbHiwnHEFuaxs_FbIxeY/s400/arrow-right.jpg" /></a> <a href="https://angelapoch.com/scheduling-life_purpose.html" target="_blank"><img alt="go to booking page" height="49" src="https://www.angelapoch.com/img/SetMore-book-button-page.png" width="203" /></a>Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-59664517811618806302019-01-23T08:03:00.002-07:002019-03-21T12:10:41.839-06:00Empathy is not responsibility.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV8Bi6nU8KejComtF7mIZ4w7Q_zD3S7tPUXsGx6qgQ5iQnZEV3DzPUjLQTCIiGAruGehOUFvkfs6UtUn0AZUDHRi0_MLSYs5dGSDqD-5pa0yIoDX6ZjZKI9Uk3MQxOnj7aeefLMszjt34/s1600/JM-Industrial-YAX_4806-600px.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV8Bi6nU8KejComtF7mIZ4w7Q_zD3S7tPUXsGx6qgQ5iQnZEV3DzPUjLQTCIiGAruGehOUFvkfs6UtUn0AZUDHRi0_MLSYs5dGSDqD-5pa0yIoDX6ZjZKI9Uk3MQxOnj7aeefLMszjt34/s320/JM-Industrial-YAX_4806-600px.jpg" width="320" /></a>Wow, I thought I'd take a month off to finish up my school and have a holiday before starting my private practice. That month turned into TWO and boy the time off felt so good!</div>
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As
my peer world expands to include more and more counsellors, therapists, Pastor’s, teachers, and others in the helping profession, I think this topic is
really relevant. Add to that those hundreds and thousands of people who are compassionate and empathetic, and there are a lot
of us who have empathy, not only as a core value, but actually part of who we
are.</div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Of
course empathy and compassion are similar, but empathy goes deeper. Empathy is where you
really put yourself in that person shoes, at least in terms of how they feel. Of course we can't put ourselves in someone else's shoes in terms of how they got there, their particular circumstances, because we're all so unique. We’ve all experienced
anger, we’ve all experienced pain, we've all experience happiness and joy. But how
we experience those emotions, the intensity of the emotion, and what leads to those will be different for each person. <o:p></o:p></span>Example you’re sitting in an airplane beside someone who is terrified of flying. Empathy doesn’t mean you have to be terrified of flying rather empathy gives you that awareness of what that person is going through emotionally and how hard it must be for that person sitting beside you.</div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When talking about empathy, it occurred to me maybe we should talk about what
it is not. As just mentioned, empathy is not feeling exactly the same way about
certain circumstance as another person would feel. And e</span>mpathy
is also not taking on responsibility for the other person’s choices. I think
this one really hit home for me as I was watching people struggling with weight
loss. In a particular episode, I watched how hard the doctor tried to explain what was going on and the
person was in complete denial about the circumstances. This person kept
saying, "only I know it’s right for me," "the scale had to be wrong", "I can
figure out how many calories are in something and I’m not eating that much." This person just completely denied reality. I thought to myself, wow how would I help that person if they came to me as
a therapist? And I realized I couldn’t. As much is I could empathize with
this person's pain (aches and pains are an ongoing battle for me too) and struggles (I've been wanting to loose weight for 2 years but I don't really try to lose the weight - desire doesn't equal trying, but that's another blog), empathy doesn’t give me the ability to change someone.</div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Empathy also doesn’t make me responsible for someone else or to force a person to change. Empathy opens up
our heart to someone and then we have to move on from that at some point.
Each individual person, as much as we influence each other, still has to make
their own choices. No a matter how hard the circumstances, or what else
is going on around us, we are still alone responsible to choose the path before us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This
means those of us with empathy really have to embrace the concept sitting with
open hands. This concept by Dr. David Burns, is basically it’s offering someone a resource (friendship, tools, advice, help..... whatever.) </span>and then you completely, 100%, accept their choice to take it or not. I think this is super hard for those of us with a lot of empathy because
we know their life could be so much better. It’s so hard, we can just feel it. We can feel where they’re at right
now, we can feel where they could be at, and we just want it so bad for them. </div>
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Here's the thing, your desire for them cannot turn into any kind of responsibility because it always comes
down to free will and their choice. This is so important for those who are dealing with friends, clients, and family that are struggling. It is NOT your responsibility to make anyone change. Not even your spouse or kids or clients. Yes, you are responsible as far as you are able to influence, guide, and encourage, but it stops there. You can't choose for them, therefore you are not responsible for their choice.</div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
next time you feel yourself so drained and arguing with someone, maybe pause and ask yourself: Is my empathy causing conflict because I feel responsible
for this person and I wanna force them to make the better choice?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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PS: You are always welcome to chat with me. I offer a free 15 minute consultation. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAd9cc7p3LGtGU4MAdezZrCU8ue5_wvhv5Iq-UnW5Qr0EqMewAqTE9MjDJzWTLxzSlLYxFoghQG8cVfM4xMHhVwBM81tYRAfStSwYeRRhOlMcbkG_Ifco4YqUwbHiwnHEFuaxs_FbIxeY/s1600/arrow-right.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAd9cc7p3LGtGU4MAdezZrCU8ue5_wvhv5Iq-UnW5Qr0EqMewAqTE9MjDJzWTLxzSlLYxFoghQG8cVfM4xMHhVwBM81tYRAfStSwYeRRhOlMcbkG_Ifco4YqUwbHiwnHEFuaxs_FbIxeY/s400/arrow-right.jpg" /></a> <a href="https://angelapoch.com/scheduling.html" target="_blank"><img alt="go to booking page" height="49" src="https://www.angelapoch.com/img/SetMore-book-button-page.png" width="203" /></a>Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-26422197142889676392018-11-18T07:11:00.000-07:002020-03-15T08:51:36.864-06:00Acceptance and Loving Oneself!<br />
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The other morning I was listening to one of Dr. David Burns Podcasts, number 88 to be exact. (Just a
little plug there for him on feared fantasy expanded.) Anyway, as I was listening to this amazing woman fight her fears of social anxiety, and as Dr.
Burns talked about humour and laughter as a form of acceptance, I had a moment of clarity. Acceptance is one of the ways to fight or negative thoughts about ourselves.<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Before I share what that was, just a little background. </span> I’m part of a Christian group of therapists, and some who aren't that have Christian clients, that practice team CBT and we been collecting Bible verses and go along with what we are learning and what we’re practicing. So, that's been on my mind and when Dr. Burns started talking about acceptance it made be wonder how does that fit the Christian model since we are to grow in grace, do good works, be perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect, etc. We will talk about that later, as the Bible harmonizes with itself. </div>
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An epiphany just washed over me as I thought about the Bible verse, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18. KJV. I can't fear (be anxious) when I accept myself and the circumstances life throughs at me. And accepting myself, or loving oneself, is a Biblical truth, "And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31. NLT. </div>
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Then came to mind, 1 Corinthians 13, as it struck me as how to define love in the first place. "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. NLT. What does the Bible say is love? Well it’s a lot of things
but a big part of love is it keeps no wrong, is not irritable, it is patient, and kind. These are things we should be for ourselves. Keeps no wrong - accept it and move on, not irritable - accept it and move on, patient - don't be so hard on oneself, kind - don't be so hard on oneself. When
you combine all three of these Bible verses we see this high-level solution to
fighting negative thoughts which is acceptance using humour piece and disarming
to squash thoughts of anxiety and fear about ourselves. When we have this kind of love it
casts out fear.</div>
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I’ve
never been a fan of the terms self love. One Christian author puts it this way, "Those who are filled with self-esteem and self-love do not feel the need of a living, personal union with Christ. The heart that has not fallen on the Rock is proud of its wholeness. Men want a dignified religion. They desire to walk in a path wide enough to take in their own attributes."<i> E.G. White, Christ's Object Lessons</i>. Just accepting all your flaws and not worry about them is not only in conflict with the Christian experience of growth in moving
forward, but also that selfishness or focusing on oneself too much takes our eyes off Christ. That when we feel bad we see our need of Jesus. Then, as I was reviewing all these principles, praying for harmony of the concepts, it occured to me, definitions and context. </div>
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It seems rather than argue or try to twist and idea, often we have to go back to how we define something. Not just from the dictionary, but all the weigh, emotion, and other thoughts we have about a word or concept. For example, self-esteem can mean holding oneself as important, even putting one's needs above others or it can mean, a confidence that allows that person to complete a task, or both. This article isn't about self-esteem or self-worth or self-love, maybe I'll do one on that in the future, but obviously we need to see all the scriptures as a whole. That we do have to love ourselves or we can't love others. </div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Add to that the Bible is clear we do have worth and value, so I’ve
always been OK with self-worth, in other words that all human are infinitely valuable because the God of the universe would have died for even just one of the 'least' of us. From that same author, "</span>One soul is of infinite value; for Calvary speaks its worth." <i>The Review and Herald, March 13, 1888</i>. But when I was listening to that podcast on acceptance, I realized without loving ourselves as in the definition of 1 Corinthians 13, self-worth is an intellectual assent and we’re still fighting fears and anxiety
about ourselves. The Bible verse and love others as yourself is a clue that God
does expect us to love ourselves, not that we are placing more value on ourselves or ignoring what God as done for us, but in a way that we are not treating ourselves like garbage. Because we are to love others in an equal
amount, neighbour as yourself, how can we express the beautiful love revealed in scripture to others, if we
have no "love" for ourselves?</div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
how do we get this love, the love of ourselves that is within a Biblical model of selflessness and yet not unduly critical of ourselves? The same way we love others. Acknowledge while we all make mistakes and have things that really do need changing, we all still have infinite value because Jesus died for you, for me. If you’re not a Christian, you can take the view that every human being
has value because they’re human. The second step would be forgiveness, "keeps no wrong" from 1 Cor 13.
Pretty hard to love someone you’re angry with, or holding a grudge against, and
that includes yourself. Of course, in context self loathing may have a place to give you motivation or self
awareness of what you need to change, but you cannot stay in that moment. In
fact, I would go so far as to say we can acknowledge our flaws without self loathing. Can you not see other
people as imperfect, see their flaws, and yet not hate them or think they’re
horrible, terrible, awful people? Of course, then you can do this for yourself as well. </span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Remember there is an amazing paradox at work here, acceptance of our flaws can actually empower us to move forward in growth and even changing those flaws. We are no longer fighting ourselves in an unwinnable battle, rather we see our need and are able to give that to God.</span></div>
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It is truly powerful when we put it all together, harmonizing all the principles we've talked about so far. Our fear is the beginning of wisdom, it drives us to God, to self-reflection, then as we accept that we are flawed human beings, that we need God, we can embrace change and are empowered to move forward. </div>
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PS: You are always welcome to chat with me. I offer a free 15 minute consultation. </div>
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Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-76803952433646586252018-11-06T07:05:00.000-07:002019-03-21T12:11:59.983-06:00Imagined Grief/Worry/Concern Has Real Effects<br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There
I sat one morning, crying. Nothing had happened yet. The day was still ahead of
me, same as the day before. The to do list sitting on my computer. The cat
snuggled up on my lap. Me trying to wake up at 5 AM. But this morning a few tears
flowed even though "nothing" had happened...yet. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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While
<a href="https://bodymindhealthcoach.blogspot.com/2018/10/pain-before-it-happens-anticipatory.html" target="_blank">anticipatory grief</a> refers to grieving before an event is finalized, such as
getting a cancer diagnosis or other terminal illness, we can even experience
bouts of grief based on what we think the answer to a test result might be. Our
brains interpret what we believe as a real event. If are thinking that this might really
happen, we start processing as if it already has. Much like when watching TV, your brain doesn't know it's fake or artificial. The emotions you experience are very real.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For
me that morning, it was waiting on a diagnosis for my father. I’m still waiting as I write
this. No matter, the stress is real in any case. Learning to cope effectively
with these kind of events is the reality of our modern age. So much of what we
experience is "artificial." I'm not sure that's even the right word since we are in uncharted waters. Gone are the days when two months later a letter came
in the mail that your spouse died on the battlefield. Now at every newsflash
your heart quakes with worry, was that near his/her posting? Gone are the days when you went on with life, frequently thinking about your children, hoping they were doing well across the
country as they started a new life for themselves. Now, we obsessively check Facebook
and worry when our texts are not returned in a few minutes. We don't have to wait for news to come by pony or even postal truck, now we are connected to the entire world 24/7. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Stressors
are at an all-time high in our artificial world. It’s artificial in the sense
that the event hasn’t happened yet, we are being bombarded by information that
may or may not be relevant or real. Millions of
us watch a fake, make up world on fictional television. Even our social interactions
on social media is partly artificial because we
don’t express exactly what is going on but rather share cherry picked pictures and ideas. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Our
brains and bodies have to adapt to whole new world in this fast modern digital
age. So how can we cope? How can we take back control from the flood of
information that changes our perception of reality, even if reality hasn’t
changed? Step back. Give yourself time away from all the
banter, the electronics, the world. Spend a few minutes in a natural, real environment. Walk the dog in a park, do some gardening, bake some cookies, have tea with a neighbor, take up sewing, the list is just about endless. Do something outside in nature adds some other health benefits, but there’s a lot you can do even in your own
home. Brainstorm what would be helpful for you. The only parameters, you need to enjoy it, it must be something in the moment and physical or tangible. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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What
about those moments of sadness, worry, or stress when we are just thinking of what might be? Well, those emotions are real even if the event isn’t.
Embrace it for a moment, then work on your thoughts. Deal with any distortions you might be having. Make sure you’re not
catastrophizing, making it bigger than it is in this moment, or overgeneralizing, i.e. this one event ruins my entire life (a future event can't take away your past). <a href="https://www.bodymindhealthcoach.com/programs/the-truth-shall-set-you-free" target="_blank">More on clearer thinking here</a>. Right now
you’re worried and you have every right to feel stressed and concerned. Whether the
test results are for you or for family member. Or maybe you’re at dissipating
grief for some other reason in any case embrace the moment and move through it.
For more on anticipatory grief check out my <a href="https://bodymindhealthcoach.blogspot.com/2018/10/pain-before-it-happens-anticipatory.html" target="_blank">previous blog article here</a>.<br />
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Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-15629512966092038972018-10-30T06:42:00.000-06:002019-03-21T12:15:49.952-06:00Anticipatory Grief: Experiencing Pain Before The Loss<br />
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<br />
<i style="font-family: times;">(Taken from my Psychology of Grief research project)</i><br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: "times";"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times";">Working through an impeding loss, or imminent</span><span style="font-family: "times";"> death</span><span style="font-family: "times";">, gave rise to the term anticipatory grief by Lindemann in the 1950’s (Worden,
2009</span><span style="font-family: "times";">). Since then others have researched
this topic with mixed results. </span><span style="font-family: "times";"> </span><span style="font-family: "times";">In fact,
anticipatory grief is still controversial in both what it looks like and if it
exists at all (Nielsen, Neergaard, Jensen, Bro, & Guldin, 2016) (“Grief,
Bereavement, and Coping with Loss.” n.d.).</span><span style="font-family: "times";">
</span><span style="font-family: "times";">There are those who feel it is
not possible to grieve until there is a loss (Reynolds, Botha, 2006). However
since cognitive therapists believe emotions are often triggered by thoughts,
how we think is ultimately our reality. In any case, there is stress associated
with anticipating a death whatever the label it is given. With that preamble,
the definition of anticipatory grief in this paper is: When an individual is
anticipating an impeding loss, or death, and develops symptoms relating to that
expected event.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Not everyone who knows someone who is going
to die, will develop symptoms or go through anticipatory grief (“Grief,
Bereavement, and Coping with Loss.” n.d.). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> A</span>nticipatory grief commonly affects
those dealing with loved one who have terminal illnesses such as cancer and
even long term illnesses such as </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Alzheimer's (Scott, 2009)</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">. Some believe it
can also affect the person who is actually dying (Shore, Gelber, Wientzen,
Koch, & Sower, n.d.). Symptoms range from physical one such as headaches, nausea,
fatigue, sleep and appetite disturbances, to emotional ones like anxious, sad,
helpless, disorganized, forgetful, angry or feeling discontented from others (Shore,
Gelber, Wientzen, Koch, & Sower, n.d.).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Due to the controversy surrounding
anticipatory grief and the limited research on it, there are three schools of
thought: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">It doesn’t exist, it’s a form of stress. (Nielsen, Neergaard, Jensen,
Bro, & Guldin, 2016)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">It is pre-grieving or grieving started early (Worden, 2009) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">It is a separate event and has its own tasks or phases (“Grief,
Bereavement, and Coping with Loss.” n.d.). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The
University of Rochester (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Anticipatory
Grief</i>, n.d.) lists the phases of anticipatory grief as: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 72.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The person accepts that death is inevitable and there is no expectation
of a cure. Feelings of sadness, anger, and depression can accompany this phase
(Hogan, 2009).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This corresponds to Task
1 and starts into Task 2 of Worden’s model. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 72.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Concern for the dying person. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 72.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Death is “rehearsed” and preparations made.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 72.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Person imagines what life will be like without the person.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">While one might think knowing someone will
die will enable them to process unfinished business, research shows mixed reactions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some grieve even harder after their loss,
while others feel more closure (Worden, 2009) (Reynolds, Botha, 2006). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Variables are many, including some grow much
closer to the person dying than in their previous relationship and thus the
loss has an even greater impact, while others find they have dealt well with
the unfinished business and are able to go through the uncomplicated grief
tasks more effectively (Worden, 2009) (Reynolds, Botha, 2006).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">An additional note about complications.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those whose loved ones have Alzheimer’s. One
person shared she felt she was experiencing a new loss each time her husband
forgot something else. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unlike a terminal
illness, a person with Alzheimer’s loses<span style="color: #c00000;"> </span>who they are bit by bit</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";"> (Scott, 2009) </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">(“</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Feeling Grief and Loss While You're a
Caregiver” n.d.)</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Assessment for anticipatory grief is similar
to grief in general except there is no death event that triggers it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead symptoms may arise after a diagnosis
or any time after.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An increase in
anxiety is a common attribute of those suffering from anticipatory grief
(Worden, 2009).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Questions, such as the
following, can be used to assess a client (Use a scale to rate each one.) These
have been modified from the grief assessment by </span><span lang="EN-US">Holly
G. Prigerson, Ph.D., Paul K. Maciejewski, Ph.D.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Since
the diagnosis of ________ how often have you felt yourself questioning the prognosis?
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Since
the diagnosis how distressing has the though been you will lose _______ ?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Has
this thought been disruptive to your daily routine? How often?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">In
the past month, to what extent have you felt on edge, jumpy, or easily
startled?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">In
the past month, to what extent do you feel that life will be empty or
meaningless without _____?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Do
you find yourself wondering what life will be like after _______ is gone?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Answers to these questions can help provide
insight as to further testing for depression and anxiety, and of course use the
standard rating scales (At each
session, in addition to suicide ideation exploration. These questions also help
determine how the client is processing the tasks of grief, such as Task 1, do
they accept this event.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As such anticipatory
grief lends itself to really working on Task 1 and 2 of grief (Worden, 2009).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of the treatment suggestions recommended
include:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Normalize the clients emotions. What they are feeling is common, ok, and
real (Scott, 2009) (Hogan, 2009). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Help client find resources as needed. Hospice care, support network, etc.
(Scott, 2009). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Teach the client to deal with the extra stress and strain. CBT,
relaxation techniques, stress management, etc. (Scott, 2009).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 54.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Work through any depression or anxiety symptoms. (Hogan, 2009)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times"; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Start working through the tasks of grief (Worden, 2009)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">While experts
disagree on whether or not anticipatory grief exists and if it exists what it
really is, individuals do experience real emotions and stress when faced with
an impeding loss of a loved one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These specific
symptoms can be dealt with using various psychotherapy tools and techniques
regardless of the label attached.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Bibliography:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Anticipatory
Grief. (n.d.). Retrieved from <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?contenttypeid=90&contentid=P03043">https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?contenttypeid=90&contentid=P03043</a></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Grief,
Bereavement, and Coping With Loss. (n.d.). Retrieved from <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/advanced-cancer/caregivers/planning/bereavement-hp-pdq#link/_167_toc">https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/advanced-cancer/caregivers/planning/bereavement-hp-pdq#link/_167_toc</a></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Feeling Grief
and Loss While You’re a Caregiver. (n.d.). Retrieved from <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.webmd.com/palliative-care/caregiver-grief-and-bereavement#1">https://www.webmd.com/palliative-care/caregiver-grief-and-bereavement#1</a></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Hogan, Marty,
L. M. (2009). Anticipatory Grief. Ashland: Sacred Vigil Press.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Nielsen, M.
K., Neergaard, M. A., Jensen, A. B., Bro, F., & Guldin, M. B. (2016,
March). Do we need to change our understanding of anticipatory grief in
caregivers? A systematic review of caregiver studies during end-of-life
caregiving and bereavement. Retrieved from <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26796738">https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26796738</a></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Reynolds, L.,
Botha, D. (2006), Anticipatory grief: Its nature, impact, and reasons for contradictory
findings, Counselling, Psychotherapy, and Health, 2(2), 15-26, July 2006.<span style="background: #FFE7AF;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Scott, P. S.
(2009, August 07). Anticipatory Grief: How to Cope With the “Living Death” of
Alzheimer’s. Retrieved from <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.caring.com/articles/anticipatory-grief-alzheimers">https://www.caring.com/articles/anticipatory-grief-alzheimers</a></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Shore, Julia
Carl, FNP-BC, ACHPN, Gelber, Marianne Wientzen, GNP-BC, ACHPN, Koch, Lauren M.,
ANP-BC, ACHPN, Sower, Emily, ANP-C, ACHPN. (n.d.). Anticipatory Grief: An
Evidence-Based Approach : Journal of Hospice & Palliative Nursing.
Retrieved from <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://journals.lww.com/jhpn/Abstract/2016/02000/Anticipatory_Grief__An_Evidence_Based_Approach.5.aspx">https://journals.lww.com/jhpn/Abstract/2016/02000/Anticipatory_Grief__An_Evidence_Based_Approach.5.aspx</a></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times";">Worden, J. W.
(2009). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Grief counseling and grief
therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner.</i> Springer
Publishing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-44908251236840679942018-10-25T07:52:00.001-06:002019-03-21T12:12:54.091-06:00When You’re Angry At Someone Because You See It In Yourself<div class="MsoNormal">
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Monday morning I was eating some raspberry greek yoghurt and a thought cross my mind, I wonder how much
lactose in it. I am on a low FODMAP diet and lactose, a high FODMAP, is often a trigger for those with
bowel issues. I find I can have quite a bit of lactose without having any
symptoms but I was still curious since I LOVE facts and numbers. So, anyway, I Googled it, as I do when I’m researching, and as I was looking for a good
source I came across a question, "If you are lactose intolerant can you still have a little cheese or yogurt?"<br />
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My
immediate thought was why would you want to? I mean there’s so many other options
out there that are far more healthy than dairy. Especially cheese, which is really
hard to digest to begin with. Granted I am thinking this as I am eating yogurt, dairy, myself. It struck me, why
did I have that thought? I stopped to do a little self-reflection and I realized it was
because I find myself eating foods that I would not normally choose to eat
because I’m so limited. I found myself frustrated with those who choose
to eat whatever they want because they enjoy it even if they could make better choices because I don’t have that luxury. </div>
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There is a name for this in psychology, if you were in a therapy
session would be called counter transference. I have to do a lot of self
examination, counter transference work, in my assignments as a student, I thought it was
kind of interesting. I don't have counter transference with my role playing
"clients" but I do have bias triggers, like this, people who make poor choices when they have better options available. Which of course is a judgemental thought and not helpful. I make poor choices when I have better options available too!!! </div>
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Bias trigger is
one of those things that we need to be self-aware of. Others around us can trigger negative thoughts and feelings within us. Add to that we can never be truly bias
free. We’ll always have opinions and ideas, and those were shape and form or
thoughts and feelings. We may even find hints of racist, sexist, or ageist thoughts and having to admit that may frighten us or make us feel guilty. The challenge is not to make yourself the most politically correct person in the world, but rather to be aware the feelings and thoughts you have so that you
can address those in your own mind. If we pretend they don’t exist we will
never deal with them. We have to admit our failings and faults, even embrace them and accept them. The paradox, once we accept we are human and fail, we then can make real change. </div>
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Sometimes just accepting it, changes it. For example: If I am deceiving myself or blind to a fault, and then I recognize and admit I am blind, just admitting it dissolves it and I see more clearly who I really am. That doesn't work for all issues, but recognizing it then accepting it are the first two steps. Then you can work to adapt to it or crush it. In my case, with the yoghurt and the forum participant who wanted to know if they could have a little dairy, I started to ask myself what is it like for this person? They are a real human being with struggles, frustrations, cares, worries, and loss in their own life. How is it that I assume they have it easier and they should just choose better. Soon as I said "should" I remembered the 10 cognitive distortions (untruths we tell ourselves). If you'd like to learn more about telling yourself the truth <a href="https://www.bodymindhealthcoach.com/programs/the-truth-shall-set-you-free" target="_blank">click here</a>. </div>
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PS: You are always welcome to chat with me. I offer a free 15 minute consultation. </div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: small;">Angela Poch, certified life coach, certified level 1 TEAM* practitioner, and certified nutritional counsellor. </span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://www.bodymindhealthcoach.com/"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">www.bodymindhealthcoach.com</span></a> <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">*TEAM-CBT, developed by Dr David Burns, is an evidenced-based approach to psychotherapy with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) at its core, recognizing the connection between thoughts and emotions, and behaviour, but inclusive of various techniques across many approaches. TEAM is an acronym: Testing, Empathy, Acceptance (paradoxical Agenda setting) and Methods. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span>Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-86132339346887939082018-09-25T08:40:00.000-06:002019-03-21T12:22:35.432-06:00Checking In - Put People FIRST!<br />
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<br />
It's been awhile since I've posted. You'll find I'm pretty busy this fall and it's likely I won't be posted regular until I finish my schooling in December. I plan to take a month off then I'll open my office doors with full services of licensed therapy and certified health coaching.<br />
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Tomorrow I fly out to Nova Scotia where I've been asked to speak at the 2018 Health Summit on Health Coaching. I had to cram my already busy life into an even shorter work week. In the midst of this I had a call from a reader. Now, I'm not big on the phone at the best of times and I avoid it like the plague at others. This reader had called before a couple times and wanted my free newsletter, which is mentioned on a TV show I did many years ago. As In no longer do mail outs of my newsletter but rather use only the e-version (sign up at the top right of this page), I found myself reluctant to call back. I did try a couple times and when it didn't go through crossed it off my list of To Do's.<br />
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Well, they called again yesterday and this time when I called back I got through and it was a blessing to both of us. We talked about nutrition, extremes, stress, and enjoying our food while trying to eat as healthy as probably, not necessarily possible. I would have missed out on this blessing had I listened to my feelings. I didn't feel like it. I was so busy getting an assignment finished, packing for the tripo, finishing handouts for the seminar, and I needed to pick my apples in the orchard! But I wouldn't take back that 45 minutes now. I still got everything I needed done and a blessing of touching someone else's life.<br />
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Don't miss out on the blessings of relationships and people because of tasks. Task's can usually wait, people matter NOW!<br />
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Blessings,<br />
Angela Poch<br />
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Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6618168681796313483.post-57730747877177478092018-07-11T21:04:00.002-06:002019-03-21T12:13:08.712-06:00The Most Important Benefit of Gratitude<br />
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I missed posting last week because I was at the 4-Day TEAM CBT Intensive in Whistler with Dr. David Burns. It was an amazing event, learn more about dealing with anxiety, depression, procrastination, and more at <a href="http://www.feelinggood.com/">www.FeelingGood.com</a>. Anyway, I said we'd look at the benefits of gratitude so that's what this week is about.<br />
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There are all kinds of blogs, articles, and studies on gratitude. An article in Forbes lists 7 Scientifically Proven benefits including: Building social relationships, improving physical health, mental wellness, enhances empathy and reduces aggression, helps with better sleep, improves self-esteem, and lastly improves mental strength. <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2014/11/23/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-gratitude-that-will-motivate-you-to-give-thanks-year-round/#50d3eb92183c">https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2014/11/23/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-gratitude-that-will-motivate-you-to-give-thanks-year-round/#50d3eb92183c</a><br />
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Perhaps that last one is the most important benefit of gratitude, it improves mental strength, or one could say is a powerful coping skill. Don't get me wrong, we all want better relationships with those we love and who doesn't want to have great physical health. But, with our body systems so interconnected having the ability to cope with things life throws at us is one of the keys to not only happiness but also our health.<br />
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Counting my blessings has helped me cope with many stressors in my life from moderate irritations to full blown anxiety attacks. While listing 10 things I'm grateful for didn't cure my intense anxiety, it did help me to calm down long enough to use the appropriate cognitive techniques (several listed in Dr. Burn's podcasts on <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/feeling-good-podcast-team-cbt-the-new-mood-therapy/id1171155453?mt=2" target="_blank">itunes</a> if you are interested). When I have had IBS attacks, reciting things I am grateful for makes the time pass so much faster and it lessens the pain significantly.<br />
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What are some ways you use gratitude to cope? I'd love to hear from you.<br />
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One last thing I wanted to share, is something I am truly grateful for and that is.... drum roll.... people who are willing to agree to disagree. Over the years, I've met some pretty mean people on the internet. I'm sure in 'real life' they aren't as bad as online, but there is an awful lot of criticism out there. Whether you are trying to go plant based, just eat a few more veggies, or go all the way vegan it can be disheartening to have your mistakes plastered by others. One blogger who is as kind hearted as she is determined to help save the planet and the critters on it is Tully Zander. She has some wonderful recipes that you will find absolutely delicious along with blog articles. Check them out on her website: <a href="http://www.vegansfirst.com/">www.vegansfirst.com</a><br />
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<br />Angela Poch, RPChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01839764754140943997noreply@blogger.com